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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

One year and counting

How does a marriage work? 
I have learned that your marriage HAS to be a priority—ahead of relative, ahead of work, ahead of everything. The motto of marriage should be: anywhere, anytime, only you. Each spouse should make the other feel like the most important person in their lives. Play a game: ‘I can be nicer to you than you are to me.’ When you lose, you win. If your spouse does something nice for you - try to out do them. Many people are competitive and like to take the lead. Try to take the lead in being nicer, this makes marriage better. Allah says in the Qur'an, "And among His signs is that He created for you spouse from among yourselves that you may live in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you; Verily, in that are signs for people who reflect." (Quran 30:21)  Focus on being as loving and merciful as possible to your spouse and they will inshaAllah reciprocate your treatment. Be Allah's miracle in their life. 

What should married couples do together? 

Don't worry if you can't always try not new things, keep your pre-marriage interests and activities and share them with each other - this spices up your marriage. If you don't have anything interesting to contribute to the marriage, you will bore your spouse and yourself very quickly. Also, maintain alone time, you don't only deserve it but need it! Time away from each other, makes the relationship strong and more valuable. Use your time apart to enhance your core personality and positive traits, reflect and relax. Marriage is your beggar's bowl and your good deeds are the wealth of this relationship...so, please donate generously.


How to keep the spark alive? 
Take good care of yourself, feel good about yourself and love yourself! You are a garment for your spouse. Stay focused on what made you love your spouse in the first place. Show them love physically and speak lovingly as much as you can and as creatively as you can. 

Does every married couple fight? 
With marriage comes risk, vulnerability, sharing, openness, trusts and fights. Of course, both partners need to be willing to expose themselves to all of these. There are several approaches to fighting.  This sounds stupid but don’t fight when you’re angry—you’ll say hurtful things that can never be taken away. Your character counts the most when you are with your spouse. Don't fight when you are hungry. Don't fight when your spouse is on her cycle. The hardest thing I find to is take a break when they are worked up. Taking a break is hard, but it avoids words or behaviors that you can’t take back. Remember that this person has taken a vow to keep you happy for the rest of his/her life so you should do the same. Understand each other's expectations, if your spouse is fighting with you, it is because you are not meeting his/her expectation. They may not say it in these many words but there is a feeling of deprivation on their side. Try to communicate their need as much as you are addressing your's. 



Enter Paradise, you and your wives, in happiness.[43:70]

 Keep this as a constant reminder, you are not married to tussle over little things, your aim is to earn Jannah together 

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