Do you love someone too much to argue with them? Well thats what we all say. We love our parents, our siblings and spouses but more often than not, we find ourselves in a nasty argument with them. Every relationships has spats but an argument is not necessarily the best way to tell the other person how you feel. Especially if it is an argument with a loved one, it makes you feel worse, not better. Overtime arguments become ugly, things are said that cannot be taken back. Harsh words spoken in anger or frustration are remembered long after, corroding the relationship. Frequent battles embitter the fighters, no matter who wins - both wear the scars.
The ironic thing about arguments is that we know when they are coming. After you have lived with a person for a while, you know what things will trigger an argument. So you always have a choice to argue or not. I think if you love someone enough, you would share your perspective, feelings and desires with them in a respectful way. You would give your input and your help with discretion and wisdom. I know women get really emotionally charged and we tend to run a stream of dialogue about every thought, concern and worry in our head which often results in an argument. So it is important to tailor our communication with patience and kindness so our loved one can best hear us.
We are wrong when we think that our husbands do not listen or that they do not understand. In all honestly, our husbands hear our heart much more clearly and care about our feelings so much more than anyone else. Good communication requires having faith in the other person. Arguments ensue the moment we stop trusting the other person. This is the same person you have gone out a hundred times to memorable places to eat and have drinks (French Vanilla of course). This is the person you have taken trips with. Who has given you massages. Wrote you long letters. Had tickle fights with you. Made soup for you when you were sick and countless other things. Then how can you take the same person for granted? Yes, relationships are not Disney happily-ever-after movies, they are better! Real life is more cozy, silly, breathtaking and rewarding than Disney true-love, soul-mate fantasy if we continue to believe in and serve our partner with compassion.
Anyway, I can't give a lecture about marriage ... I am new at this. The following is a collection of counselling videos for couples for the winter. Try and listen to them your spouse, if you get lucky - even discuss them and see how you can mould your relationship for another 500 years (thats Jannah years and counting inshaAllah).
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