If there is one detail every engaged girl has consistently neglected over the course her wedding preparation, it's when she has smiled and answered thoughtlessly in the affirmative to living with her in-laws. Most to-be brides don't even realize what they are agreeing to until the feuds shatter their fairy-tale marriage. Yes, I know you are getting married to the guy of your dreams - you've had a crush on him since the day he came to your house (with his parents of course to ask for your hand in marriage 'ehem'). You are excited to see friends and family you haven't seen all that often in one room. You are excited for the gigantic cake with inch-thick layer of frosting. You are excited about your Middle East honeymoon. You are excited about your wedding dress and the nikkah ceremony. But you cannot ignore the freakishly important details of your life after the wedding ceremony is over - where are you and your husband going to live? What are you going to eat? What savings do you have to survive and raise a family?
I think a lot of young girls walk into marriage totally unprepared and uninformed. While I cannot talk about all the things girls do wrong when talking to a prospective spouse, I will like to focus on the issue of living with in-laws. A lot of girls who decide to live with their in-laws after marriage are in for a lot of hurt feelings and power struggles. It is natural to want autonomy and independence with one's husband, every woman wants to control her nest - yet she cannot do that as a wife if her nest is someone else's property.
In an ideal world, a girl may think of her future mother-in-law as her own mother and want to be as close to her as her own mother. However, in the real world when a girl moves in with her in-laws, she is not made to feel like she is not part of the family at all and this sentiment is communicated to her through unsolicited advise. You should wear more/less makeup/gold jewelry. Your food is too/less spicy. Get ready for a lot of criticism! Yes, despite the fact that you make her son happy, support him and take care of his needs - you will be told that his mother is the one who knows, you need his mother's input and that you are better off doing things his mother's way.
His mother has been the his mom and his chief caretaker his whole life, your arrival as his wife may challenge her authority. Because of which your mother-in-law may not see how wonderful of a wife, cook, housekeeper and person you are. Despite your plus points, she may only see faults and may even complain to your husband about them. If you confront her directly, she will be deeply offended and if you let it go then you will become angry and frustrated.
This is not to say that all relations with in-laws are messy, impulsive, inconsiderate and doomed to failure. Rather they should not be tread very lightly. You value religion and therefore you will try your best to get along with your husband's parents and family. The right way to do that is by knowing the ahkam of Shariah - the Islamic rules of jurisprudence on the matter. How much do you have to obey your in-laws? To what extent do you have to live with them? What kind of conflicts can arise in a joint-family system and how to solve them? I think the following is the best fatwa to date on the topic of a girl's relationship with her in-laws: http://www.islamqa.com/en/6388 I highly recommend it!
I think a lot of young girls walk into marriage totally unprepared and uninformed. While I cannot talk about all the things girls do wrong when talking to a prospective spouse, I will like to focus on the issue of living with in-laws. A lot of girls who decide to live with their in-laws after marriage are in for a lot of hurt feelings and power struggles. It is natural to want autonomy and independence with one's husband, every woman wants to control her nest - yet she cannot do that as a wife if her nest is someone else's property.
In an ideal world, a girl may think of her future mother-in-law as her own mother and want to be as close to her as her own mother. However, in the real world when a girl moves in with her in-laws, she is not made to feel like she is not part of the family at all and this sentiment is communicated to her through unsolicited advise. You should wear more/less makeup/gold jewelry. Your food is too/less spicy. Get ready for a lot of criticism! Yes, despite the fact that you make her son happy, support him and take care of his needs - you will be told that his mother is the one who knows, you need his mother's input and that you are better off doing things his mother's way.
His mother has been the his mom and his chief caretaker his whole life, your arrival as his wife may challenge her authority. Because of which your mother-in-law may not see how wonderful of a wife, cook, housekeeper and person you are. Despite your plus points, she may only see faults and may even complain to your husband about them. If you confront her directly, she will be deeply offended and if you let it go then you will become angry and frustrated.
This is not to say that all relations with in-laws are messy, impulsive, inconsiderate and doomed to failure. Rather they should not be tread very lightly. You value religion and therefore you will try your best to get along with your husband's parents and family. The right way to do that is by knowing the ahkam of Shariah - the Islamic rules of jurisprudence on the matter. How much do you have to obey your in-laws? To what extent do you have to live with them? What kind of conflicts can arise in a joint-family system and how to solve them? I think the following is the best fatwa to date on the topic of a girl's relationship with her in-laws: http://www.islamqa.com/en/6388 I highly recommend it!
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