Caution: Test in Progress

The image of the 21st century Muslim women, confident, prosperous, glowing with health and knowledge is only true in books and lectures. The reality is that Muslim women don't see the perks of the rights promised to them in Islam. Women continue to feel the age-old lash of violence, repression, isolation, enforced ignorance and discrimination. In  spite of the fact that many Muslim women are now better educated, earn a lot more money and participate in politics, they are still subjected to pain and attacks in the domestic sphere.
In a vast majority of my public halaqahs to young girls, I have often reiterated how lucky we are to be born Muslims because of all the rights Allah has given us in Islam. I am sorry ladies, I take all that back. Muslim women are the most vulnerable and most undermined by their families.

Dear Muslim Girls,

1. The moment you share your grievances with a family member, you will be told to be patient.

The most likely response you will hear is: (a) It is all in your head. You need to think positive and

(b) Be patient. The number of years you have quietly suffered is irrelevant.

2. If your are suffering because of an adult in your family (aunt, uncle, grandparent, in-laws) then you are not allowed to communicate your feelings to them or anyone else besides them. You are the problem, all adults are infallible. So to think that they have done something wrong is utterly blasphemous. You should probably do towbah (repent).

3. Boys will be boys. The solution to their sinful conduct towards you is giving them more space, love and respect.

4. Asking for anything monetary, even if it is under $5 will make you the equivalent of Cruella de Vil in your family.

5. Your function at home is to cook fabulous 5 course buffet meals everyday, three times a day. Your house is nothing short of a restaurant. If you are not in the kitchen by 9:00 am and if you leave the kitchen before 12:00 am then you are lazy, spoiled, snobbish piece of garbage. Your family will see you as a fool and a failure in life.

6. You will always be judged by your weight, height, skin colour and clothes. Your appearance will be the subject of all family gatherings. These 4 factors alone will determine how will-liked or out-casted you are in the family.

7. You cannot go anywhere at any time.

8. You can never express your anger. This right is exclusively reserved for men.

9. You can never respond to an angry person. You must listen to their nuisance in its entirety without a single objection. Then you must accept the blame for everything and finally smile and nod in compliance to their orders.

10. Your likes and dislikes are decided by your family. You have no say in the things you want to do or do not want.

You can't be a girl and happy. Your life will never be fair or free. Therefore, I understand your disappointment ladies and your inclination to rebel. I cannot console you with any better words than the truth. The reality is that we are being tested. We have rights in Islam but we cannot practice them in the East or West. Even well to do religious families would rather see their daughters suffer than help them. Silence takes precedence over action. All I can say is that you are not alone.

Not that Iblees is analogues to women. I am using the following story only as an example. At first, it didn't make any sense to Iblees to prostrate to Adam, a novice mud statue, when he was a fierce, fire breathing entity and an experienced worshipper who was celebrated in the heavens. This was his test. He failed because he was overwhelmed by his self-worth and reasoning. He rebelled against Allah out of anger and sinned. In the same way, it is a test from Allah to listen to our family when they purposely discriminate against our rights. They will hurt and offend us, a thousand rebuttals will procure in our mind but its futile to cry or to argue with them. You don't have to agree with what your family is doing. You just have to bear it as a form of test from Allah. Sure enough the situation will pass (with difficulty comes ease, no hardship lasts forever). Allah will certainly reward you.

When I am forced to do something which I think is unfair, I remember Ovais alQarni. He missed the opportunity to be with the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) because he had to look after his ageing mother. (I think every girl has multiple sob stories of how she was held back in her life because of her gender.) Allah appreciated the sacrifice Ovais made for his family. Whenever he would raise his hands and ask Allah for anything, Allah would give it to him. For this reason, Muhammad (s.a.w) prohesized to Umar (r.a) that 'when Ovais comes to Madinah, ask him to make duaa for you because Allah fulfils his request'. I feel that when we become as humble and selfless towards our family like Ovais alQarni, Allah will bring us close to Him and fill our lives with His blessings and mercy aameen.