Betrayed and Broken

 I bit my lip, betrayed my own eyes
fell short of perfection, became the epitome of lies.
Swam through an ocean, parted at the seam,
walked along a desert road, thinking it was a land of green,
it is easy to make my kind believe.

Unravel the ball of a deep deception,
Study it, memorize its motion.
Commission strength,
in a heart broken,
bleeding dry,
for a future that is passing me by.
Fixated with the past,
looking for moments to define,
what is there to life?
Any resolution or solution to a mixed fantasy?
Lost faith
Why do do I even try?

Be warned,
break the silence with a storm.
Doom will not disappear with tears
Struggle because you are a soldier, of Allah, be brave.
It was always meant to be this way.

The valley of disregard, its mine.
I live here, impervious to honest eyes.
Stranded, paranoid and suspicious...these feelings are justified.
The lethal wounds and emotional ambush are a symphony of daily  life.
Cast a thousand stones without  a crime, these blighted souls in righteous disguise,
Their assigning, rationalizing, spiritualizing .... is a facade, a mirage...it dies.
Forgive, be kind and sincere. Do good, give your best and Islam you should galvanize,
Seek only Allah's Face as the ultimate Prize.

Yes, I write poetry sometimes. In any relationship, betrayal is definitely a hit below the belt. You feel intense anger, hurt, bewilderment and shock. You just want to go to bed and never get up. You shiver and shake uncontrollably with grief and rage. Could this really happen? Is it true? Can a best friend divulge your secrets and use them against you? Can a sibling humiliate you? Can a business partner deceive you? Can a spouse walkout on his/her commitments? Can your confidante, someone you trust and understood .... plagiarize your idea? Rob you? Lash out on you? Threaten you? Yea actually it happens all the time.... The more we live and work with people, the more we will fathom the ugly side of  humanity. The more dedicated we are to a relationship, or to the Deen, to its studies and service, the more people will erode our faith, hack our intentions, swap our sincerity and excitement with stress, fear and anxiety. The more they will exploit our insecurities and vulnerability. Its brutal and depressing...but its true! What are you going to do? Write poetry? It doesn't help, trust me. 

Yes, humanity is far from perfect. Even as individuals, you and I are not exactly ideal either. Ergo, we should never do anything, expecting honour, honesty and mercy in return from people. Because human beings, myself included, cannot maintain these lofty qualities all the time. We are not intrinsically capable of eternal sympathy and selflessness. It is unrealistic and unfair to demand such a thing from a person. 

I was moping and mad over some hardcore betrayals from from my closest colleagues and friends a few days back until I discussed the meaning of سورة الفاتحة with  some kids. 

Yeah kids...what do they know right? Its sad many adults scuff children off thinking what will these hooligan understand? What do they know about the world? Its none of their business anyway! Kinda like Finster during Recess. To tell the truth, its grown-ups who don't know. We are lost. Kid are cute, frank, poetic, spiritual, smart, athletic, unprejudiced and best of all...curious. Kids are always searching for novelty, for adventure...They are easily fascinated with even the most mundane of things. They want to learn and explore. Some will run to the end of the park before we have blinked and others will ask "why, why, why" a dozen times. They mean well; give them a chance. 

Asking them to stop bothering you or giving them answers like "I said so" will just retard their motivation for real knowledge. They will hop along to Mama Montana and Daddy Dwayne (The Rock Johnson) for advise and to idealize. Children are gregarious by nature. If parents don't give them company, they will make friends with the likes of Franco and Farrell, they will bow their heads to Justin Bieber and Bernie Mac. Then parents wonder why kids misbehave? Why they get into dating, drugs and apostate? Parents run after this Imaam and that Shyakh. Where were you when your kid wanted to to talk to you? Why did you switch on the television and sit them down in front of half naked Tarzan, lying  Pinocchio, King of thieves Aladdin, lazy Sleeping beauty...Snow White who lived with seven guys and Cinderella who would come home after midnight?

So some kids and I were talking about the meaning and lessons in الفاتحة This Surah really is curative for those whose hearts are cut in half. We sort of induce these aches and outrage upon ourselves. We let people become our God; the center of our aspirations and hard work. We serve them and seek their affections when the ultimate Praise, Thanks Love, Respect and Obedience rightly belongs to Allah. We are miserable when we become slaves to the people when we should really be submitting wholeheartedly to Allah. 

Being bitter over a betrayal and backitting is only going to burn our good deeds. I know it is hard and will take a lot of practice but try this...instead of pulling your hair over how bad someone behaved with you, emerse yourself in Allah's Benevolence and Beneficence. Forget everything about the person who betrayed you for a second...do you who Allah is? We throw around the ayah الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ in every occasion but do we know what it means? 

الحمد is from محمدة which means to praise...to praise Allah because of Excellence, His Exaltedness, Superiority, Goodness and Uniqueness. ََتحمد means to express favour. Allah expresses His favours upon ups through infinite gifts and blessings we experience everyday.

رب is from ربا which means the One Who sets right, brings in correct position, One Who makes beautiful in smell and appearance. One Who manages and takes care. He Owns and Controls.

رب بالمكان is to lead and to call to order, to support and strength, to make pleasant and remove from it everything that is foul, defective, obscene or upsetting. ربب تربيبا الولد - to raise someone and look after them until they reach the age of maturity. To educate, train and discipline; to grow and nurture. 

Allah is رب He created the universe and continues to sustain it. He nurtures every living soul. He thrives from infancy to maturity. He gives us support and strength. He made us beautiful and pleasant in body and in purpose. 

Allah is الحمن الرحيم .... Not just Merciful and Compassionate but رحمة / مرحمة / ورحما  - which means to have a soft heart, to be generous, kind, caring, lenient and understanding. Its like looking after a baby - a mother does everything for her child out of love. From carrying it for nine months, give birth, feeding it, changing its diapers, putting it to sleep...when its older, teaching it to read and write, to walk, teaching it from right and wrong. The mother forgives her baby for sticking for burping...for its ignorance. She aches and grieves for her baby. She feels hurt when her baby is hurt, she feels happy when her baby is happy. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said Allah loves His servants more than seventy mothers could love a single child !!!

الرحم والرحم is to be close, to be intimate. To have nothing in between but the best interest of the other person in heart. Also refers to relatives. To be and treat like family. To be very near and dear to heart, to be very protective. The link between Allah and us is a based on oceans of mercy, love, peace, reassurance and well being. Look at the universe, the night sky, the stars, the pandas and bears and butterflies, rabbits and roses, rivers and strawberries...Allah created this for us, out of His mercy. One time this woman lost her baby and she was frantically going from person to person in search of her precious thing. When she finally found it, she caressed it with love and kisses. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) asked the companions if they thought this mother would ever cast her baby into the fire. They said no. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said likewise Allah will never [unjustly] cast His servants into the fire. Allah created us for Paradise...Adam (a.s) originated in Jannah so Jannah is our real home. 

الله is from اله which means to worship, to obey, to devoute oneself to and surrender. To take as God, Deity and Owner الهت عليه is to turn to Allah with love and obedience. الاله / الهة is the One God Who is Worshiped. 

Good times are always followed by difficulty. With hardship there is ease. 2005 - 2009 were the best years of my life. 2009 - 2011 however were quite rough. Where I found tremendous guidance, mentoring, closeness and love from a person, I also found people who tried to misguide me. They mowed me down with their venomous jealousies, greed and politics. They lied to me, they tried every rancorous means to do away with me. Everyday was warlike with them. I was tense all the time, becoming increasingly pugnacious because of their attitudes....but I thank Allah for this. He brought me to my knees through these people so that I would come closer to Him. 

Keep Allah in your heart and you will be in heaven wherever you go. Peace will never leave you, even if you were betrayed, imprisoned or exiled or killed. You don't need people in your life...Allah is sufficient for us in every way. Think about who Allah is and all Allah has done for you in your personal life ...  do you need people? Should it even matter what people have done? Then let go of your anger or revenge. Allah will take care of your enemies on يوم الدين. Remove the rage and disgust from inside of you. Replace them with altruistic feelings; be motivated to learn, tolerant of others, confident in doing good deeds and optimistic of Allah's reward...because your commitment is not with people, it is with Allah. Your life and death, your grief and happiness...is for Allah. Don't settle for any person. Don't be disheartened by any organization. Become a one man show. Even after you give up on everyone, try again one more time for Allah. When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Stick to Deen ka kaam like a stamp sticks to an envelope and grow into it like a nut grows into a great oak tree.