The Second Love of my life

“I began to look at him and at the moon, he was wearing a red mantle, and he appeared to be more beautiful than the moon to me.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

This is how Jabir ibn Samura described the Last of the Prophets, the Leader of the Righteous, the Mercy to the Worlds – Muhammad, the Messenger of Allah. I have finally made it to his Masjid. I can't describe how I feel.

Hasan bin Thabit (ra) said,
When I saw his (saws) light shining forth, In fear I covered my eyes with my palms, Afraid for my sight because of the beauty of his form.
So I was scarcely able to look at him at all.
The lights from his light are drowned in his light and his faces shines out like the sun and moon in one.
A spirit of light lodged in a body like the moon, a mantle made up of brilliant shining stars. I bore it until I could bear it no longer.
I found the taste of patience to be like bitter aloes. I could find no remedy to bring me relief other than delighting in the sight of the one I love.
Even if he had not brought any clear signs with him, the sight of him would dispense with the need for them.
Muhammad is a human being but not like other human beings. Rather he is a flawless diamond and the rest of mankind is just stones.
Blessings be on him so that perhaps Allah may have mercy on us on that burning Day when the Fire is roaring forth its sparks.

اَللّٰھُمَّ صَلِّ عَلٰی مُحَمَّدٍ وَّعَلٰی آلِ مُحَمَّدٍ
O Allah! bestow mercy upon Muhammadۖand the descendants of Muhammadۖ.

Sitting at the Place of Death

This is where my husband and I normally used to drink zamzam and snack after performing Tawaf. This was our chill-spot at Masjid al Haram. We would relax and take a break here before going for Sa'i. Little did we know that this was actually the area where the deceased are brought for Salah al Janaza (funeral prayers). So as I was enjoying the crisp cold taste of zamzam with my cheese croissant, the funeral procession coming towards me gave me a sudden jolt. I not only lost my appetite but jumped to me feet, mortified. Let's face it, we live in a death-denying culture. When we are having fun we forget that death even exists. How many young people have died whilst chilling or doing their favourite things!
Generally we think death is something that should not happen or that it only happens to those who don't take care of their health or foolishly put themselves in harm's way. So when we suddenly see death, we are are taken by shock and surprise.

When I saw the funeral, the first thing I said to myself was, "this is going to happen to me!" I am going to wear a shroud, not a dress; I will return to dust, not a party. I could have been the one who is being prayed over but Allah is giving me the opportunity to stand and pray for the dead. I need to value the time I have left; try to take an inventory of how I lived my life and how I want to be remembered. Try to make amends for anything I regret and to make towbah/istighfaar to Allah and apologies to anyone whom I have hurt.

Three is a Crowd

This is a picture of me touching the Ka'bah Alhamdulillah 

The other day when I was offering nafil Salah in Masjid al Haram, people - adults, children and yes even a cat went in front of me. I ignored the first few people who jumped over my sutrah but by the time I was in my second rakah, I started blocking people with my hand. I was frustrated: can't they find any other place to walkthrough, I am praying here? This is my alone time with Allah, must they come in between? This is when I realized three is a crowd.

a) First, I am asked to spend time alone with Allah and in corporate extra voluntary worship (nafil, tahajjud etc) for the best nourishment of my emaan.
Allah says in a Hadith Qudsi, "My servant keeps on coming closer to Me through performing Nawafil (voluntary deeds) until I love her, so I become her sense of hearing with which she hears, and her sense of sight with which she sees, and her hand with which she grips, and her leg with which shebwalks; and if she asks Me, I will give her, and if she asks My Protection, I will protect her..." [Bukhari]

Spending time alone with Allah rids my of distraction, worries, stress, sadness and emptiness so that I can focus on Him and hear His Words (Quran). Abiding in Him, I can enjoy the intimacy to which He calls me and come to truly know Him.

b) Second, I need to protect my relationship with Allah by not allowing anyone to come between me and Allah. Sometimes I let my spouse, my relatives, my job, my hobbies and emotions become more important or more of a priority than my relationship with Allah. When I follow the decisions, wisdom and approval of others over what Allah commands me or when I allow my feelings to control my behaviour rather than seeking what Allah desires, I am compromising my relationship with Allah.

How do I put Allah first?
By intentionally pursuing Him first my daily actions—from the moment my alarm goes off until I fall asleep again. By praying and asking for His guidance not only when things go wrong, but on every occasion. By encountering Him through His Words (Quran) and listening to how He wants me to live it every day.
Allah is not a back-up plan but the Planner of life itself. And the sooner I recognize this, the sooner I reshape my priorities and recharge my faith.

What I learned from Hajar

This is a picture of mount Safa , behind a glass enclosure. This is symbolic of Hajar (as) - it marks her trust in Allah as she ran in search for water. 

For a long time, women have lived in so much turmoil. It really saddens me to think about all the years women have wasted waiting to get married and later waiting for their husband's approval to start living and achieving great things in life. The reason why I believe Hajar is a great hero for our time is because she shows that a woman does not need a man to be happy or productive, she needs Allah.

Women who are unable to get married, or are going through problems in their marriage or have had a bad breakup, experience feelings of guilt and condemnation most of the time, they have no peace and they don't want to do much with their life. Hajar's life offers women a radical transformation: develop the habit of trusting Allah to make life really worth living.

Trusting Allah is simply believing that He loves me, He’s good, He has the power to help me, He wants to help me, and He will help me. I need to ask Him with all my heart, all my soul and all my might.

اِنَّمَآ اَشْکُوْا بَثِّیْ وَ حُزْنِیْ اِلَی اللهِ o
As Yaqub (as) said, "I Complain, beg, whine, beseech, nag, insist, persist, pray to Allah and only Allah for all my needs and sorrows."

Muslims are called believers, but many times, we are more like unbelieving believers. We trust our friends, our doctor, the bank, the news, the stock market or the government more than we trust Allah and the Quran. Allah wants us to put Him first in our lives. He wants us to put our confidence and trust in Him, and ask Him to help us all the time, in everything.

We can only trust Allah to the degree that we choose to think positive thoughts. It is impossible to have faith in Allah without thinking good of Him. Faith is built on trust and not on spiritual lies. Hajar (as) took her every thought and made it surrder to the Glory of Allah. This is why when Ibrahim (as) didn't exactly promise her a condo at lakeshore or thousands of dollars in mahr - she was not mortified. And when Ibrahim (as) left her in the desert with their newborn baby all alone, with no Loblaws or Starbucks at walking distance, she was peaceful and content because she was consumed with faith, confidence trust in Allah.
When we base our faith on ourselves, our skills and circumstances, we tend to only trust Allah as far as "the good times". In the difficult times we feel hopeless. Trusting Allah involves hope in a future blessing. The joy of trusting Allah, praying to Him and seeking Him is securing a better immediate future for ourselves and even better treasures in Heaven.

So when I walked between the mountains of Safa and Marwah during Sa'i, as Hajar (as) once did, I tried to imagine what must be going through her mind? What she must be thinking? That Allah is The All Beneficent, The Most Merciful in Essence, The Compassionate, The Most Gracious, The King, my King, my Boss, The Sovereign and Owner of everything and everyone that exists, The Ultimate Reality, all realities are contingent in Him, The Most Holy, The Most Pure, The Most Perfect, the Most Beautiful, The Only True Source of Lasting Peace and Blessing, Safety, The Granter of Security, The One Who Sustains me in every way, The Guardian, The Preserver, The Overseeing Protector, The Almighty, The Most Powerful, The Irresistible, The Compeller, The Most Lofty, Exalted, Praiseworthy and Justly Proud.

The more of these Divine Names and Attributes, us Muslim women sincerely embrace as we think of Allah, the more we will find ourselves trusting, loving, and respecting Allah. Life is happier and more productive when we come to Allah like Hajar (as) did. Say: “Ya Rabbi, I don’t want to live on my own. I want to trust You. When I want to give up on my life or when I don’t know what to do with life, I’ll trust You. When I don’t understand why, I’ll trust You. I’ll do my part with Your help, and when I’m done, I’ll trust You to do the rest.”