"American Woman" as sung by "Guess Who" is an icon of radical feminism. She challenges her mother, questions her gender role. She threatens to leave and not conform any more. Some of the presumed behaviours and various negative labels on American women is that they are wealthy, obnoxious, loud and often ignorant. Drunk, sloppy and easy. At least in Canada, especially in university, it is culturally acceptable for young women to dress provocatively, smoke or be drunk. Walk the streets of any university and you find smashed girls in skimpy clothing, skipping class, rocking a grit. Not that women should not have a good time but do they have to dumb themselves and degrade themselves and make themselves an easy target of the not so noble men looking for a score? To be shy and conservative is a virtue in Islam. To cover oneself modestly gives a mysterious aroma that is not only respected but also attractive. It is naturally charming for a woman to talk softly, to show politeness and conduct herself a delicate way. Moreover, there is no fun in braving a emphysema, chronic bronchitis, cancer, liver disease or brain damage (repercussion of smoking and drinking).
This article will shed light on an ideal woman, Zainab (r.a) from the time of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w). She was assertive and expressive, strong and liberal yet totally graceful, gentle and girly. This article hopes to give women an alternative to the somewhat narcissist and debauched lifestyle available to them. Please do not take this as an offense to any culture in particular. I care for all my sisters in humanity and I only wish to share with them what has benefited me so much.
Zainab ath Thaqafiyah (r.a), the wife of Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) reported, when the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) told the women that they should give Sadaqah (charity), even if it should be some of tehir jewellery, I returned to Abdullah bin Mas'ud and said, "You are a man who doe not possess much, and the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) has commanded us to give Sadaqah. So go and ask him if giving to you will serve the purpose; otherwise I shall give it to someone else." He asked me that I should better go myself. I went and found a woman of the Ansar at the door of Messenger of Allah (s.a.w), waiting to ask a similar question as mine. The Prophet (s.a.w) was endowed with dignity, and so we could not go in. When Bilal (r.a) came out to us, we said to him, "Go the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) and tell him that there are two women at the door who have come to ask him whether it will serve them to Sadaqah to their husbands and to orphans who are in their charge, but do not tell him who we are." Bilal (r.a) went in and asked him, and Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) asked who these women were. When Bilal told him (s.a.w) that they were a woman of the Ansar and Zainab. He (s.a.w) asked which Zainab it was, and when he (s.a.w) found out that she was the wife of Abdullah bin Mas'ud, he (s.a.w) said, "They will have a double reward, one for maintaining, the ties of kinship and another for Sadaqah." - Bukhari and Muslim (text from Riyadh al Saliheen, vol. 1, ch. 40, hadith # 326)
Lessons:
1. Ideal women seek religious knowledge.
It was common for women to attend lectures and study sessions under the Prophet (s.a.w). He (s.a.w) would say, "How splendid were the women of Ansaar; shame did not prevent them from becoming learned in the faith." Even after the death of Prophet (s.a.w), Muslim women romanced their zeal for knowledge in every part of the world. Al Sakhawi wrote "Dawa al lami", a series of 12 volumes on female scholars, giving detailed biographies of over 1,075 cerebral women in the 12th century. Ibn 'Asakir was a well-known 12th century scholar of hadith narrators from Syria who studied under 80 different female teachers in his time. It was not uncommon for early Muslim women to study Islam, earn ijazahs (academic degrees) and qualify as scholars, teachers, busines women and warriors. In Damascus alone, there were 160 Masajid and Madrasahs, 26 of which were funded entirely by women. Half of all the royal patrons for these institutions were also women.
Education enjoys a lofty status in Islam. The first blessing which Adam (a.s) received from Allah after his creation was knowledge (2:31). Allah (s.w.t) commanded the Prophet (s.a.w) to "Read" (96:1) as part of His first revelation. Prophet (s.a.w) was instructed to only supplicate for an increase in knowledge (20:114). Knowledge is the only means of rectitude and righteousness. Knowledge instills true fear of Allah (35:28). It is a means of light, satisfaction and humbleness in life. It is a deed because of which Allah makes the path of Jannah easy, it is sadaqa-jariyah, and an action that deserves halal envy. Why should women then stay away from learning religious knowledge?
Zainab ath Thaqafiyah (r.a) used study under the Prophet (s.a.w), come home and share her knowledge with her husband and apply it with him. If women in the 21st century cannot find a female teacher, there is no harm in learning from a male scholar (see the etiquette of acquiring knowledge in # 6). In case, it is not feasible to travel to seek knowledge, take classes from Shaykh Youtube and Brother Google. Alhadulillah, Islamic knowledge is now just a click away. You don't have to drive or even pay money to buy books and/or conference tickets. Pdfs of works by Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn Qayyim, Ibn Katheer, Ibn Uthaymeen, Ibn Abdl Wahab, Syed Qutb, Muhamad Al Jibaly and Bilal Philips are all online. Recordings of Almaghrib seminars and Journey of Faith lectures are also online. An ideal woman disciplines herself to read and listen to something daily. She increases her self in knowledge and good deeds exponentially.
2. Ideal women do not indulge in fitnah.
Zainab ath Thaqafiyah (r.a) was married. Let's just say, single people are dangerous people. The availability of temptations have greatly increased. Even if you try to avoid it like a plague, someone or the other in your class or at the cashier, in the subway or library or bank will lure you towards sin. Even if you do not watch movies yourself, something in your textbook or the newspaper or the billboard will tempt you. And let's face is, our family and friends are the biggest fitnah out there - constantly trying to fix us with someone, dragging us to mix gatherings, where there is music and cheap talk. So its best to get it over with and get married.
Zainab (r.a) married Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) though he didn't have a steady job or riches to brag. Before Islam he was a shepherd and after he became Muslim, he left his simple work to tend to the Prophet (s.a.w). He was very close to the Prophet (s.a.w). They would travel together. He would shield him (s.a.w) when he (s.a.w) would shower. He would carry his (s.a.w) bedroll, staff, siwaak, slippers and water. Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) was nearest to the Prophet (s.a.w) in character. Many Sahaba (r.a) new to Islam, mistook him for being part of Ahl Bait (Prophetic household). Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) understood the Qur'an better than anyone. Umar (r.a) said Abdullah bin Mas'ud was most qualified amongst all the companions in Qur'an. The Prophet (s.a.w) praised his recitation saying "anyone who wants to learn the Qur'an the way it was revealed, should hear it from Abdullah bin Mas'ud."
Marrying a brother for his Deen has many benefits:
(i) A religious brother will be considerate of you because of his fear of Allah. He will open for you the door for his car, offer you dessert, call you and make you laugh.
(ii) He will bring you closer to the Deen because he cares for the Deen. He will set a good example, encourage you, give you good advise and instigate intellectually stimulating conversations. He will listens to what you have to say in response.
(iii) He will have a knack for adventure, traveling and last minute road trips because of admiring Allah through the wonders of His creation.
So stop trying not to get married. There are a lot of good people out there, you are not the only unique and awesome one :) I have a lot of friends who are obsessed with marriage but surprisingly they not consenting to any brother who sends a propsoal. Why? I am not sure ... too high standards? Too scared? An ideal woman gets married with the intention of staying away from fitnah (yes am sorry, there is no other way), and to focus on her Deen (husband and wife can help each other in it).
3. Ideal women are gentle.
What does it mean to be a woman and a wife? Foremost it is not to challenge, compete with or imitate men. For some reason women understand being feminine as weakness. We presume that the only way, we can hold any prestige in society is by becoming like men. Although, Zainab (r.a) was a self-sufficient, secure and confident. She lived a rewarding life, full of learning religious knowledge and doing good deeds, she was totally feminine. She treasured her husband. When he was going through difficulty, she was his best friend. She wasn't angry or critical of him. She didn't diminish his ego or make him inadequate. She smiled, spoke uplifting words and helped out. There will always be problems. Allah has promised to test our patience with wealth, health and safety. So don't be quick to complain or condemn if things change. It's not one's fault, its just Qadr Allah. So be encouraging and kind. Find solutions. An ideal woman is sensible, friendly, lenient, mature, soft, protective and trustworthy, especially with her husband.
4. Ideal women are humanitarians.
There are millions of children who work on the street, ran away from home to escape violence, and abuse. They take insults and beatings from strangers. Pick through garbage dumps to survive. Are arrested for begging and locked in prisons. They are poor, hungry, scared and ill. Ignored, feared and despised. Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) looked after the orphans of Medina. This could explain why he was short on money. As a wife, Zainab (r.a) could have scorned at his work. She could have fussed over him giving more attention to these stray children and spending on them more than her but she wasn't selfish. She was just as concerned for the kids' welfare as her husband and she paid for them out of her pocket. An ideal woman does not live for the fulfillment of her desires and attainment of her comforts but for the betterment of the people around her. An ideal woman puts others before her needs.
5. Ideal women know how to take care of themselves.
It is assumed that to be kind and forgiving means to have no self-confidence or self-esteem. A woman who is supportive of her husband must necessarily always walk in his shadow and take orders from him. But the reality is that Zainab (r.a) had exceptional knowledge, wit, style and sense of humour. She thought for herself. She rocked interesting opinions, views and observations. She didn't depend on her husband to teach her the religion and followed him blindly. She took religious rulings only from the Prophet (s.a.w). She did take the time to please her husband but this didn't prevent her from questioning him. She didn't assume everything he said and did to be a self-evident truth without confirming the reality of the logic behind it. So don't be lazy in using your mind. Be inquisitive, observant and reflective. Don't let culture or tradition dictate your life. Go explore and construct your special personality and demanour in the light of Islam. Make something out of your life. Your husband doesn't let you, or your don't have time, or your friends won't like it - these are not excuses. An ideal woman is optimistic and hardworking. While everyone is disheartened by the obstacles, she finds opportunities. She uses her wit, patience and kindness to reach her goals.
6. Ideal women follow the etiquette of learning.
Here is another extreme in our society, we equate intelligence with being audacious and immodest. Zainab (r.a) was bold to think for herself and brave to ask her questions but this did not prevent her from being shy in mixing with men. She maintained her haya and hijab even in front of the Prophet (s.a.w). She didn't approach her teacher directly but conveyed to him her issue through a third person. In contemporary times, the Shuyukh and Imaams, no matter how beneficial to us (women) in learning the Deen, are still our non-mahrams. So lower your gaze in their presence and maintain a distance. If you do not have a genuine concern, do not find excuses to speak to him during class breaks or stalk them on facebook. Purify your intention to learn knowledge only to improve yourself and help others for Allah's sake. Any distraction from this goal may be shaytan's plot. So an ideal woman is chaste, even with her elders.
This article will shed light on an ideal woman, Zainab (r.a) from the time of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w). She was assertive and expressive, strong and liberal yet totally graceful, gentle and girly. This article hopes to give women an alternative to the somewhat narcissist and debauched lifestyle available to them. Please do not take this as an offense to any culture in particular. I care for all my sisters in humanity and I only wish to share with them what has benefited me so much.
Zainab ath Thaqafiyah (r.a), the wife of Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) reported, when the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) told the women that they should give Sadaqah (charity), even if it should be some of tehir jewellery, I returned to Abdullah bin Mas'ud and said, "You are a man who doe not possess much, and the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) has commanded us to give Sadaqah. So go and ask him if giving to you will serve the purpose; otherwise I shall give it to someone else." He asked me that I should better go myself. I went and found a woman of the Ansar at the door of Messenger of Allah (s.a.w), waiting to ask a similar question as mine. The Prophet (s.a.w) was endowed with dignity, and so we could not go in. When Bilal (r.a) came out to us, we said to him, "Go the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) and tell him that there are two women at the door who have come to ask him whether it will serve them to Sadaqah to their husbands and to orphans who are in their charge, but do not tell him who we are." Bilal (r.a) went in and asked him, and Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) asked who these women were. When Bilal told him (s.a.w) that they were a woman of the Ansar and Zainab. He (s.a.w) asked which Zainab it was, and when he (s.a.w) found out that she was the wife of Abdullah bin Mas'ud, he (s.a.w) said, "They will have a double reward, one for maintaining, the ties of kinship and another for Sadaqah." - Bukhari and Muslim (text from Riyadh al Saliheen, vol. 1, ch. 40, hadith # 326)
Lessons:
1. Ideal women seek religious knowledge.
It was common for women to attend lectures and study sessions under the Prophet (s.a.w). He (s.a.w) would say, "How splendid were the women of Ansaar; shame did not prevent them from becoming learned in the faith." Even after the death of Prophet (s.a.w), Muslim women romanced their zeal for knowledge in every part of the world. Al Sakhawi wrote "Dawa al lami", a series of 12 volumes on female scholars, giving detailed biographies of over 1,075 cerebral women in the 12th century. Ibn 'Asakir was a well-known 12th century scholar of hadith narrators from Syria who studied under 80 different female teachers in his time. It was not uncommon for early Muslim women to study Islam, earn ijazahs (academic degrees) and qualify as scholars, teachers, busines women and warriors. In Damascus alone, there were 160 Masajid and Madrasahs, 26 of which were funded entirely by women. Half of all the royal patrons for these institutions were also women.
Education enjoys a lofty status in Islam. The first blessing which Adam (a.s) received from Allah after his creation was knowledge (2:31). Allah (s.w.t) commanded the Prophet (s.a.w) to "Read" (96:1) as part of His first revelation. Prophet (s.a.w) was instructed to only supplicate for an increase in knowledge (20:114). Knowledge is the only means of rectitude and righteousness. Knowledge instills true fear of Allah (35:28). It is a means of light, satisfaction and humbleness in life. It is a deed because of which Allah makes the path of Jannah easy, it is sadaqa-jariyah, and an action that deserves halal envy. Why should women then stay away from learning religious knowledge?
Zainab ath Thaqafiyah (r.a) used study under the Prophet (s.a.w), come home and share her knowledge with her husband and apply it with him. If women in the 21st century cannot find a female teacher, there is no harm in learning from a male scholar (see the etiquette of acquiring knowledge in # 6). In case, it is not feasible to travel to seek knowledge, take classes from Shaykh Youtube and Brother Google. Alhadulillah, Islamic knowledge is now just a click away. You don't have to drive or even pay money to buy books and/or conference tickets. Pdfs of works by Ibn Taymiyyah, Ibn Qayyim, Ibn Katheer, Ibn Uthaymeen, Ibn Abdl Wahab, Syed Qutb, Muhamad Al Jibaly and Bilal Philips are all online. Recordings of Almaghrib seminars and Journey of Faith lectures are also online. An ideal woman disciplines herself to read and listen to something daily. She increases her self in knowledge and good deeds exponentially.
2. Ideal women do not indulge in fitnah.
Zainab ath Thaqafiyah (r.a) was married. Let's just say, single people are dangerous people. The availability of temptations have greatly increased. Even if you try to avoid it like a plague, someone or the other in your class or at the cashier, in the subway or library or bank will lure you towards sin. Even if you do not watch movies yourself, something in your textbook or the newspaper or the billboard will tempt you. And let's face is, our family and friends are the biggest fitnah out there - constantly trying to fix us with someone, dragging us to mix gatherings, where there is music and cheap talk. So its best to get it over with and get married.
Zainab (r.a) married Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) though he didn't have a steady job or riches to brag. Before Islam he was a shepherd and after he became Muslim, he left his simple work to tend to the Prophet (s.a.w). He was very close to the Prophet (s.a.w). They would travel together. He would shield him (s.a.w) when he (s.a.w) would shower. He would carry his (s.a.w) bedroll, staff, siwaak, slippers and water. Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) was nearest to the Prophet (s.a.w) in character. Many Sahaba (r.a) new to Islam, mistook him for being part of Ahl Bait (Prophetic household). Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) understood the Qur'an better than anyone. Umar (r.a) said Abdullah bin Mas'ud was most qualified amongst all the companions in Qur'an. The Prophet (s.a.w) praised his recitation saying "anyone who wants to learn the Qur'an the way it was revealed, should hear it from Abdullah bin Mas'ud."
Marrying a brother for his Deen has many benefits:
(i) A religious brother will be considerate of you because of his fear of Allah. He will open for you the door for his car, offer you dessert, call you and make you laugh.
(ii) He will bring you closer to the Deen because he cares for the Deen. He will set a good example, encourage you, give you good advise and instigate intellectually stimulating conversations. He will listens to what you have to say in response.
(iii) He will have a knack for adventure, traveling and last minute road trips because of admiring Allah through the wonders of His creation.
So stop trying not to get married. There are a lot of good people out there, you are not the only unique and awesome one :) I have a lot of friends who are obsessed with marriage but surprisingly they not consenting to any brother who sends a propsoal. Why? I am not sure ... too high standards? Too scared? An ideal woman gets married with the intention of staying away from fitnah (yes am sorry, there is no other way), and to focus on her Deen (husband and wife can help each other in it).
3. Ideal women are gentle.
What does it mean to be a woman and a wife? Foremost it is not to challenge, compete with or imitate men. For some reason women understand being feminine as weakness. We presume that the only way, we can hold any prestige in society is by becoming like men. Although, Zainab (r.a) was a self-sufficient, secure and confident. She lived a rewarding life, full of learning religious knowledge and doing good deeds, she was totally feminine. She treasured her husband. When he was going through difficulty, she was his best friend. She wasn't angry or critical of him. She didn't diminish his ego or make him inadequate. She smiled, spoke uplifting words and helped out. There will always be problems. Allah has promised to test our patience with wealth, health and safety. So don't be quick to complain or condemn if things change. It's not one's fault, its just Qadr Allah. So be encouraging and kind. Find solutions. An ideal woman is sensible, friendly, lenient, mature, soft, protective and trustworthy, especially with her husband.
4. Ideal women are humanitarians.
There are millions of children who work on the street, ran away from home to escape violence, and abuse. They take insults and beatings from strangers. Pick through garbage dumps to survive. Are arrested for begging and locked in prisons. They are poor, hungry, scared and ill. Ignored, feared and despised. Abdullah bin Mas'ud (r.a) looked after the orphans of Medina. This could explain why he was short on money. As a wife, Zainab (r.a) could have scorned at his work. She could have fussed over him giving more attention to these stray children and spending on them more than her but she wasn't selfish. She was just as concerned for the kids' welfare as her husband and she paid for them out of her pocket. An ideal woman does not live for the fulfillment of her desires and attainment of her comforts but for the betterment of the people around her. An ideal woman puts others before her needs.
5. Ideal women know how to take care of themselves.
It is assumed that to be kind and forgiving means to have no self-confidence or self-esteem. A woman who is supportive of her husband must necessarily always walk in his shadow and take orders from him. But the reality is that Zainab (r.a) had exceptional knowledge, wit, style and sense of humour. She thought for herself. She rocked interesting opinions, views and observations. She didn't depend on her husband to teach her the religion and followed him blindly. She took religious rulings only from the Prophet (s.a.w). She did take the time to please her husband but this didn't prevent her from questioning him. She didn't assume everything he said and did to be a self-evident truth without confirming the reality of the logic behind it. So don't be lazy in using your mind. Be inquisitive, observant and reflective. Don't let culture or tradition dictate your life. Go explore and construct your special personality and demanour in the light of Islam. Make something out of your life. Your husband doesn't let you, or your don't have time, or your friends won't like it - these are not excuses. An ideal woman is optimistic and hardworking. While everyone is disheartened by the obstacles, she finds opportunities. She uses her wit, patience and kindness to reach her goals.
6. Ideal women follow the etiquette of learning.
Here is another extreme in our society, we equate intelligence with being audacious and immodest. Zainab (r.a) was bold to think for herself and brave to ask her questions but this did not prevent her from being shy in mixing with men. She maintained her haya and hijab even in front of the Prophet (s.a.w). She didn't approach her teacher directly but conveyed to him her issue through a third person. In contemporary times, the Shuyukh and Imaams, no matter how beneficial to us (women) in learning the Deen, are still our non-mahrams. So lower your gaze in their presence and maintain a distance. If you do not have a genuine concern, do not find excuses to speak to him during class breaks or stalk them on facebook. Purify your intention to learn knowledge only to improve yourself and help others for Allah's sake. Any distraction from this goal may be shaytan's plot. So an ideal woman is chaste, even with her elders.
