Bride-to-Be

When you go to weddings, usually one of the three things happen:

1. At the wedding, you are on The Outside. You are the bride's doctor, her new boss, or neighbour. You are only there because it would have been rude to to invite you, so you RSVP past the deadline, squeeze into dress clothes from Eid, and have potato chips before the reception. You sit at the back table with a lot of people you don't know and introduce yourself to at least one half of them. "You look great,' you scream over the thumping beats, a nearly full glass of coke or pepsi swinging wildly in your hand. "I am XX, by the way. I work with Zainab!"
If you are on The Outside, you are scoping out date bags (you know, the really pretty coloured netted pouches with dry dates and painted almond candy and sugar cubes?), stealing the crockery or center piece decroations and ordering off the menu bar.
When you are on The Outside, there is no greater wedding high than being the first table called up to the diner buffet. Suddenly you are on The Inside, honourary winner of the prestigious Gets to Eat Before Everyone Else Award, dipping your dupatta or slevee into the chatni or rayita before it films over, tooth-picking and surgically removing the perfect first circles of barfi and gulab-jamun before the dish gets gummed up with clumpy sticky paste and syrup. It sure is a great feeling getting first dibs on that long table of piping hot stream trays. After all, it means you don't have to watch everybody else casually walk by you with full plates while you salivate and attempt to make small talk about where everybody is from and how beautiful the stage decoration looks. Yes, if you are up first you walk back to your table a newly crowned queen, sitting down at your chair-facing-the bathroom at Table 57 throne, lord and ruler of your much too loaded plate of rolled up naan, khorma, biyrani and kabab. Awesome right?

2. At the wedding, you are on The Inside. You are best friend of the bride - grew up with her since kindergarten maybe, attended the Taleem al Qur'an course together. You are recommending photographers, hosting showers, renting tuxes, putting mendhi on, giving toasts. For you the wedding is a great day, a proud moment, a chance to recognize and celebrate someone you love dearly. If you are on The Inside, the entire wedding is wonderful. You cry during the rukhsati. Take 200 pictures, dress up, sing and hold flowers. At two in the morning your hair is sweat-glued to your forehead, big toes are popping through fresh holes in your nylons... but you are happy. Awesome right?

3. Or... at the wedding, you are The Bride! No more smacking the electronics, you actually need to know how to work the fridge, the dish washer and the washing machine. No more chocolates and ice cream, you actually need to read the nutritional label and fight them carbs. No more living off on potato chips in sandwiches. You need to learn how to make more than pizza, lasagna and pasta. No more yanking the entire roll of aluminum foil out of the box 'accidentally,' you need to use the little tabs on the side of the box to anchor the foil slowly. No more rocking the house in old comfy shirts with stretched collars and holes at the back. No more wearing socks that don't match. No more messy tables and not finding lost things. No more playing with the baby and not having to change the diaper. No more cartoons. No more illegal naps....Bon Voyage my friend!

But mon amie you can panic till you give your qubul or you can read all the Islamic books on marriage in the world (no exaggeration, read them all! ). Kafir books on marriage also help (in fact, they are a life saver).  I personally recommend: Courtship after marriage , The Secret Lives of Wives and The Four Seasons of Marriage. But don't just keep your nose in books. Gwak all youtube cooking videos and ... and ... ladies Nikkos Kitchen will not help your future kitchen (well maybe a little when no one is looking). Yes his chicken parmean and chocolate latte is to die for. But if you know how to make a little keema paratha, chicken karhai and rasmali...inshaAllah you'll go a long way. Make Pakistan proud =) To look belle for your big day, have fun with elf makeup and loose the extra pounds. God never intended you to be fat anyway.
Today I was reading in the Qur'an what Allah said to Musa's (a.s) mother, "but when you fear for him, cast him into the river and do not fear and do not grieve. Indeed, We will return him to you and will make him [one] of the messengers" (28:7) Hmm...the natural response to fear is fight or flight. But Allah commands us to submit to Him when we are afraid. It's okay to be a little scared. A bride-to-be may not know what to expect, she may worry that she will mess things up. She may be anxious to please and to do her best but can't figure out how. But resisting the idea of marriage or running away from it is not the solution. Trusting Allah completely and giving your entire self to Him in obedience is! InshaAllah you will never be hurt and you will do wrong when Allah is on your side =) Take the example of Musa's mom (a.s). When she took up Allah on His promise, not only did Allah save her son, but gave him back to her and made him a messenger. How cool is that? See, Allah always does ehsaan (extra good) with His servants. We just need to do our part and act according to His commands regards to everything.  وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. [65:3]