Confessions of a Quiet Girl

I have been writing for as long as I remember. I wrote my first short story when I was not yet 8. Since then I have written journals, articles, poems, plays, speeches, lessons...at times I have traded being with friends for writing in my diary without any regrets whatsoever. I  am definitely a glass half-full person, I am energized by writing. My mind has a world of its own and I like exploring it through writing. I feel that when I write I learn more. It's exhilarating. Its not easy explaining to people that I am not shy or anti-social. I am enthusiastic about talking as long it is not incredibly cumbersome idle chatter. I can't make a lot of small talk. After 5 minutes into the conversation it become too insincere and unauthentic. I am a penchant for philosophical/religious/political discussions and love-thought provoking documentaries and interviews. I am an "out-going" person. I need to be "outside" to recharge my batteries. If I am at home or in a work environment for too long I will get bored and antsy.


Seems pretty normal so far? Quiet girl = lost in her thoughts!
 There is an ugly side to being quiet.

Quiet people often get so wrapped up in their own world - their personal aspirations, needs, successes and tragedies that we forget the existence of others. I am a horrible person. Dear Mom, I feel like I must have ignored and  overlooked you. I am sorry if I ever behaved insensitively. I am sorry if I didn't listen or did not help and sympathize.  I am sorry I was not conscious of your interests. I am sorry I should have been equally absorbed in you as much as I was in myself. I am sorry I did not understand your problems. I am sorry I lacked compassion. I am disappointed, angry and ashamed of myself.

Confessions of an Angry Wife

A wife  is denied the forthright expression of her healthy anger. Her attempts at confrontation is ridiculed.  She can smolder inwardly until the anger had burned down to a bitter resentment or becomes such a pressurized force that it could only come out in a rage so uncontrollable that it can be dismissed as irrational. 

It's unseemly, aesthetically displeasing, and against the sweet, pliant feminine image to be angry. A wife is the great conciliator, the steadier of rocked boats, moves, out of her fear, to quiet not only others' anger but also her own. Small wonder that when the vacuum-sealed lid bursts off, the angry wife seems either like a freaked-out nut or a psycho on wheels. Her frenzy is intensified by the shakiness of her commitment to her own cause. She doubts herself. Or worse, she starts believing in the deficiencies falsely attributed to her. So shaky is her self-image that every criticism is seen as an indictment of her person. She is a living, walking apology for her own existence.

Why is the wife not allowed an outlet of her contained anger? Why do those around her find it so abnormal to get angry that they demoralize and deflate her into a degraded, inauthentic calm? Healthy anger says "I'm a person. I have certain rights which you can't deny. I have a right to be treated with fairness and compassion. I have a right to live my life as I see fit, I have a right to get what I can for myself. If you deprive me of my rights, I'm not going to love you, thank you, I'm going to say 'Back Off' and I am going to stand up for myself." 

A wife's anger puts her at the centre stage. It claims attention for her and demands to take her seriously, or else. (Or else she won't respect you, she won't cooperate with you with you or patiently wait for you, or else, ultimately, the association is over.) The traditional wife is the polar opposite of this description. Lacking confidence in herself and in her own perception, she backs away from a fight. 

Anger takes the wife out of her earth mother role as bastion of peace and calm, out of her familial role as peacemaker, out of her political role as preserver of the status quo, out of her economic role as cheap labor, out of her social role as second-class citizen. It takes her out of roles altogether and makes her a man!

If a wife was a man her anger would be received very differently. 

Marriage Checklist - for fathers!

Marriage is part of our social programming, our parents expect us to get married, to follow on with tradition. To ensure that our daughters do not suffer any form of abuse in their marriages, it is necessary for parents to investigate every proposal thoroughly. Does the man show mercy and love towards his family? Does he have a solid education? Is he financially independent? Does he take responsibility for himself or does he blame others for his actions and shortcomings? These may seem like no-brainers but many parents are fooled by the likes of those who cloak themselves in a mantle of religion. Those who pretend to be religious to bilk the parents. Those pretend to have careers and good character to further their marriage scams. There are predators everywhere (even those well intentioned guys who claim that they will change after marriage). It is the parents' job to help their daughter marry the right person. 

So do you want to marry my daughter?

1.      How much money does he make?
It may seem like a pretty loaded question, astaghfirullah! You don't judge a man by his money! Actually money is pretty important in determining if a man can afford to give your daughter a good mahr, if he will spend on her needs and give her a good home.

    

(a)Mahr

-Qur’an 2:236 4:4

-Your daughter is entitled to mahr at the time of the marriage contract and preferably before the marriage is consummated. The mahr demonstrates the dignity and respect your daughter deserves when she takes on the role of a wife. The mahr is a promise that a man will not treat your daughter like a maid or a nurse.
 The mahr forces a man to acknowledge that your daughter, who was hitherto a stranger, is dedicating her entire life to him in marriage. The mahr also forces a man to take psychological and financial responsibility for your daughter who is leaving behind her childhood home, the company of her maternal family, friends, and all the happiness of her past life (studies, work, freedom) and dreams so that this man can have a home and family through her.  

(b)Regular Monetary Allowance

 -Qur’an 2:233

-He must provide for your daughter: clothes, food and other necessities according to his means. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said to Hind bint ‘Utbah who complained that her husband (Abu Sufyaan) was stingy in terms on spending on the family, “Take what is sufficient for you [from him] and your children on a reasonable basis.” By this extension, your daughter can ask him for money to spend on herself, her kids and their home. If he does not give her money easily, then she can take it from him without his knowledge and this does not constitute as stealing.

-The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) told men to fast if they could not afford to get married.  He (s.a.w) told the married men to be best to their wives.

(c) Residence

-Qur’an 65:6

-It is obligatory for him to prepare a comfortable residence for your daughter.  Your daughter should have everything that she needs in her marital home.

-Your wife should not be kept as a hostage in the house, with just enough things to barely survive but devoid of happiness and a sense of peace and belonging in the home.

2.      Find out if he is a nice guy. 

This is pretty hard to figure out, every body has at least a few friends they can present to vouch for their goodness. The friends may be in on the scam too. So ask the people who have nothing to gain from him. How does he treat others when he is angry? Is he emotionally mature? How does he behave with those who are either younger than him or below his social status. Is he a narcissist? 

-Qur’an, 4:19 
-Allah commanded him to behave in a dignified manner with your daughter. He should give her the respect that is entitled to her by Allah.

-The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w), despite being the most important and busiest man on earth, took out time to joke with Aisha (r.a), feed her with his hands, wipe her tears, take her out on trips and play sports with her.  She was the dearest him and he would show his loving feelings towards her consistently.

-The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said there is no goodness in a man who hits his wife. 

Downsizing

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.

The Hobbit 

The world would be a better place with simple goodness without contempt. The rigors of modernism force us to abandon the complacency of simple life. If everyone led a simple life, the world would be free of greed, and competition, in effect, be unnecessary. 

A man came to the Prophet (s.a.w), and said: “O Messenger of Allah, direct me to an act which if I do it, [will cause] Allah to love me and people to love me.” The Prophet (s.a.w) answered: “Be indifferent to the world (worldly matters) and Allah will love you; be indifferent to what people possess and they will love you.” [Ibn Majah and others]

Simplicity is more than cutting down on material things. Ali (r.a) said, "Zuhud is not that you should not own anything but nothing should own you." So simple living is distinct from living in forced poverty. Living simple is a sign that we have finally escaped the clutter, resisted temptation of the things around us, refined our life to the point where we can say that we are not slaves to luxury and indulgence. For the sake of spirituality, health, balance, frugality, social justice, sustainable development and reducing stress - don't worry about what other people think. Don't feel insecure because of a lack of something. Don't unnecessarily add fuzz to conversations. 

My Mother's Timeless Advise

....have good expectation from Allah,
Allah will give you according to what you expect from Him. 

This is true, the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said that Allah (s.w.t) says, "I am as my servant expects Me to be" [Bukhari and Muslim]. Allah is able to do whatever we expect from Him.  al Qurtubi (rahimaAllah) said, "Call upon Allah while you are certain that you will be answered." Allah does not betray our hopes. He does not give up on those who rely upon Him.

Many people feel that they are carrying around bad luck, it is easy to slip into despair after 1 bad grade.
Feel deprived of their rights - I deserved more...
A believing heart assumes the best from Allah. Whenever a crisis arrives, it doesn't assume hopelessness and impatience - it utilizes good expectation in Allah to hang on....to cope.

O Allah I expect the best from You, as You will save me. O Allah! So save me by Your Mercy from the hardships of this world and the next aameen.

This is kind of like the famous English proverb, "Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow."
Negativity and tension in life is caused by the mind, and thus one need only think positive thoughts if one is to be happy. Defeatist thinking are the human error to be found at the root of all depression. One must force out ugly thoughts with agreeable ones.

Therefore, ignore the anxiety. You are human and you cannot handle many situations, but Allah can.
Believe and it will be so!

Muslim women are so Ninja!

I can finally say this! Muslim Women are so Ninja!

This is pretty cool!

We need to reshape our own perception of how we view ourselves. We have to step up as women and take the lead. The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it. Good Job Ladies!

I can't have it all and that is okay!

In life we do things because we want people to love us, we want to matter. 
We are so scared that if we make a mistake, we will not be important anymore. 
So we push ourselves to wits' end to prove our worth. 

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Each and everyone of us matters because we exist. We are loved because Allah made us. He gave us vitality, force, energy and action, unique only to us. We are born worthy. No one can be who we are or fulfill the destiny created for us. 

Things come to you when you let go, don't care and don't need the validation anymore. 

When life sucks .. read on!

Imagine if you could watch your whole life as a movie...

Imagine if you lived directly across the street from where you are right now. And you had front-row seat to your life's journey as a third person. From you moving into your apartment to the unpacking to settling in, getting in a routine. To whatever comes next.  Would you find happiness in your own life? Be honest!

Someone once said, life sucks and then you die.

Conservative Muslim upbringing aside, life does not make sense most of the time.
Search your soul for a while and see if you can understand why life gives you lemons.

We live in a cynical world full of cynical people. People who will tell us everything we are doing is wrong; they predict doom and gloom, and how there are no rewards for having faith and that we are all going to get cancer and die - that is if Canadian winter doesn't kill us first.

You may not like this.
You may not want to echo this chorus.
But life sucks... You are robbed off spirit and passion that you remember feeling prior to a couple of years ago.
You are dismantled. Everything that you are is undone, you fall apart...

What do we do to deserve all this bad stuff?
I really don't know. I wish I did, but I don't.

This is how Yusuf (a.s) must have felt ... murdered by his brothers, sold by his country, trapped in a rut job, and violated ....His life was a nightmare. His own family ripped him apart. He must have drowned in his tears in that well. No one came to pacify his shrieks. He was treated like a prisoner and then trafficked like an object. 

Anyway, nothing happens except by the permission of Allah. When we look at the small negative things in our lies and get overwhelmed....speechless and horrified. We plead, "Why is this happening to me?" Pain always seems unfair and therefore meaningless. 

Losing a precious life in a car accident is cruel. So is drinking and driving that caused it!
A low GPA is depressing and so is facebooking all day!
Relationships are hard because people want to be difficult!

We see the problems but not what is done to cause those problems.  Life has skids and failures. There is no such thing as endless perfection. Unfortunately life can sometimes feel like dwindling, decaying, senility. But every ebb always offers the opportunity to think about what went wrong and most importantly - why. The more varied the lapse of life you get to taste, the more interesting, layered, educated, self-developed, world-experienced and mightier you become. Yusuf (a.s) certainly triumphed his trials. It turns out - all the hardships, which he was made to endure, actually prepared him to rule Egypt and internationally control agricultural trade. He had the police in his pocket and his brothers weeping at his feet. InshaAllah we'll become the heroes of our tragedy. Hang in there...be good!

Come to Salah Come to Success

The following video lecture, "Come to Prayer, Come to Success" by Shaykh Kamal ek Mekki is a homework assignment for Grade 7. 

(a) Please listen to the full lecture with your family lecture, available on https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t01rjsKPwiM and 

(b) transcribe important notes from the lecture for class discussion on Monday

(c) obtain reflections from your family about the lecture with signatures from each member. 

All the best! 

Bilal ibn Rabaah (r.a)

The following is a homework assignment for Grade 7. 

Bilal ibn Rabaah (r.a) was an Ethiopian slave. He belonged to some people from the tribe of Banu Jumah. He was known for his hard work and loyalty to his master, Umayyah ibn Khalaf, a leader of his tribe. Bilal was one of the very early converts to Islam. Hew as tortured mercilessly by his master until Abu Bakr (r.a) bought his freedom.
When the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) began preaching Islam, Bilal so deeply moved by the wonderful character of the Prophet (s.a.w) and the remarkable teachings of Islam - universal human equality, fairness, kindness, submission to the God - Creator alone, that Bilal ibn Rabaah (r.a) decided to embrace this new religion. In fact, he was the first slave in Makkah to become Muslim.

His master Umayyah was a cruel man who hated Islam and subjected Bilal to different kinds of torture to make him give up the faith. A slave was to obey the religion of his master. He did not have permission to think for himself. Bilal however remained steadfast in his belief in Allah, the One. Umayyah would order his men to take him to the desert at the hottest times of the day and throw him on the scorching sand. He would also order them to put a heavy, burning rocks on his chest to crush his ribs and melt his skin. Still Bilal (r.a) did not reject his belief in Allah. Every time he felt pain, he could call out, "Ahad, Ahad" which means Allah is One. Sometimes, Umayyah would also put a rope around his neck and the street boys would drag him through the alleyways and even across the hillocks of Makkah. Bilal (r.a) endured this suffering patiently as a test of faith. His convictions proved unshakable. Abu Bakr (r.a) could not bear the sight of him being tortured to this extent and finally bought his freedom.

Bilal ibn Rabaah (r.a) emigrated to Madina where he immediately received a warm welcome from
Sa'd bin Khaithmah (r.a). Afterwards he lived in the house of Abu Bakr (r.a). It was Bilal ibn Rabaah (r.a) who was the first companion to call adhan in Islam. The Prophet (s.a.w) appointed him his mua'dh-dhin.

Bilal (r.a) became one of the closet companions to the Prophet (s.a.w) who took part in all the military campaigns. Once in the Battle of Badr, he came face to face with his former cruel master Umayyah ibn Khalaf and challenged him. They fought fiercely, and finally Bilal overpowered him. He remained with Abu Bakr (r.a) until the latter's death. Then he took part in the campaigns to bring Islam to Syria. He died of plague, at the age of 60+ years old.

Once Bilal ibn Rabaah (r.a) said to Abu Bakr, "If you have bought me for your own sake,then keep me for your service; but if you have bought me for the sake of Allah, then allow me the freedom to work in the cause of Allah." Bilal made this request after the Prophet's death (s.a.w). He wished to go forth to bring Islam to Syria, but Abu Bakr implored him not leave Madinah, as Abu Bakr was old and the Islamic state was in its infancy, he needed Bilal's help. So Bilal (r.a) remained in Madinah until Abu Bakr (r.a) died. Afterwards, he requested Omar (r.a) to let him go. In the beginning, Omar (r.a) was reluctant to give him permission because he considered Bilal's services to the Muslim state indispensable. So Bilal suggested another companion as his successor. Omar (r.a) accepted this and allowed him to go.
Omar (r.a) used to say about Bilal, "Abu Bakr is our master and he freed our master."

Questions

A. Fill in the blanks:
1. Bilal ibn Rabaah (r.a) was an ____________ slave.
2. His master was ______________. 
3. ______________ bought him for the sake of Allah and freed him. 
4. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) appointed Bilal to _______________. 

Abu Ubaidah ibn al Jarrah (r.a)

The following is a homework assignment for grade 7

He was Abu Ubaidah Amir ibn Abdullah al-Jarrah (r.a). He embraced Islam at an early period of the Islamic mission. He was popularly known as Abu Ubaidah. He was a tall and thin man with a wonderful face. He was very sensitive, modest, and full of life and vigour. He was not boastful but was fiercely courageous. He was bright and sharp like the blade of a sword.
He embraced Islam after Abu Bark as-Siddeeq (r.a) Abu Bakr himself invited Abu Ubaidah to Islam. In fact, he was among the first people to follow the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w).

Abu Ubaidah (r.a) went through the cruel and painful experiences of embracing Islam in the early days of the Prophet's mission in Makkah (s.a.w). He suffered injustice, pain and rejection at the hands of the pagan Makkans, yet he remained firm and loyal to Allah and His Prophet (s.a.w).

Abu Ubaidah (r.a) was a man of youthful vigour and utmost sincerity. he had qualities of

leadership. he was the 8th person to embrace Islam. he spent most of his time in the company of the Prophet (s.a.w) and learnt a great deal about Islam from him directly.
He migrated to Ethiopia when life in Makkah became very hard for the Muslims. He returned to Madinah along with other believers when they heard of the Prophet's emigration. Abu Ubaidah (r.a) was very happy to be with the Prophet (s.a.w) again.

In the beginning of Ramadan 2 AH, the Prophet (s.a.w) set out from Madinah at the head of 313 companions, assisted for the first time by warriors from the Ansaar. His intention was to attack the Makkan trade caravan led by Abu Sufyan, which was on its way back to Makkah from Syria. When informed of the Muslims' approach, Abu Sufyan turned off his caravan toward the seacoast. He then sent a courier to Makkah with an urgent request for reinforcements. His own forces were between thirty to seventy men. An armed force of the Quraysh set out from Makkah, under the leadership of Abu Jahl, to the help of their caravan.

The Muslim army had not expected to be faced with so strong an army. On the 17th of Ramadan 2AH, the two armies met up near the Wells of Badr. Badr was a few days' journey south of Madinah, and about one day's distance from the coast. The Muslims were greatly inferiro in umber and in equipment - there were for example only two horses in their army, and only a limited number of camels. But these drawbacks were more than set off by their boundless courage and readiness for self-sacrifice. The Makkan forces were completely routed and several of their most prominent chiefs were killed.

Abu Ubaidah (r.a) took part in this battle. He was so fierce and fearless that the Quraysh horsemen
were too afraid to confront him. Only one man continued chasing Abu Ubaidah (r.a), and every time Abu Ubaidah tried to avoid him. This man was Abdullah Al-Jarraah, his own father who was an idol worshipper and on the side of the enemies of Islam. Over and over again, Abdullah blocked his son's path and wanted to kill him. Finally, when Abu Ubaidah lost patience, he struck a fierce blow on his head with his sword and killed him. Abu Ubaidah (r.a) did not kill his father rather an enemy of Islam and the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w).

Abu Ubaidah (r.a) had a great deal of faith in Allah. He was deeply devouted to Islam. he had a sense of responsibility towards the Muslim community. When the Muslims were defeated in the Battle of Uhud, Abu Ubaidah (r.a) was one of the 10 companions who surrounded Allah's Messenger (s.a.w) and bore all the arrows, spears and blows aimed to attack him (s.a.w).

Because of Abu Ubaidah (r.a) sense of modesty and loyalty, the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said about him, "Every namtion has an Ameen - trustworthy man, and the Ameen of this nation is Abu Ubaidah" - Al Bukhari.

Umar ibn al-Khattab (r.a) appointed him as Commander in Chief of the army and he conquered
Syria. Later he became the governor of Syria. He died there from plague in 18th AH at the age of 58. He was one of the 10 to whom the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) had announced in their lifetime that they would enter Paradise.












Questions

A. Fill in the Blanks:
1. _______________ invited Abu Ubaidah (r.a)  to Islam. 
2. Abu Ubaidah (r.a) was one of the 10 companions who defended the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) from enemy onslaught during the Battle of _____________. 
3. Umar (r.a) appointed Abu Ubaidah (r.a) as the leader of __________ conquest and its governor. 

B. Answer the following questions:
1. What are some of the noble qualities of Abu Ubaidah (r.a) ?
2. Who was Abu Ubaidah (r.a) avoiding during the Battle of Badr? Why?
3. What are some of the achievements of Abu Ubaidah (r.a) ? 

Abu Dhar al-Ghifaaree (r.a)

The following is a homework assignment for Grade 7 

He was Abu Dharr Jundub ibn Junadah al-Ghifaaree (r.a). He was one of the early converts to Islam. He was probably the 5th Muslim from among the freeborn men to become Muslim.

During his early life, he achieved fame as a daring raider. The Ghifaar tribe to whch he beloved lived in the Waddan valley. The Makkan caravans, laden with their many goods and riches, had to pass through this valley, and Abu Dharr used to lead the youths of his tribe in raids on the trade caravans. The tribe members lived by what these caravans gave in return for protection. If they refused to pay the price, Abu Dharr with his company of youths would attack them and cause great damage.

Abu Dharr (r.a), the Seeker of the Truth
With all this, Abu Dharr (r.a) appears to have been a seeker of the truth from his early youth. He may well be classed together with those righteous men who prayed to the One God and were known before Islam as al-Hunaffaa (plural of Haneef).

When he heard about the description of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) and especially his excellent Ride to this valley of Makkah and try to find out the truth about this man who claims to be a prophet - who receives news from above the Heavens; listen to what he says and come back to me." So his brother set off to Makkah, went to the Prophet (s.a.w) and listend to him attentively. Upon his return, he said to Abu Dharr, "I have seen him enjoining good conduct and saying something that is certainly not poetry."
 character, he was greatly impressed and intrigued. So he said to his brother, "

Abu Dharr's thirst for the truth was not satisfied, so he decided to go and see the Prophet (s.a.w) in person. When he arrived at Makkah, he went straight to the Ka'bah - where travelers from faraway places often went to find shelter. He searched for the Prophet (s.a.w) but no one responded to his call. Eventually a young boy in his teens came around. He was Ali ibn Abee Talib (r.a) who took interest in Abu Dharr and invited him to Darr al Arqam, the first study center of Muslims in Makkah.

Abu Dharr need only meet the Prophet (s.a.w) in person and hear a few ayaat of the Qur'an from him that he immediately accepted Islam. The Prophet (s.a.w) advised him to go back and call his tribe to Islam. Abu Dharr (r.a) said, "By Him in whose Hand my soul is, indeed I will proclaim my conversation among the idol worshippers loudly." Abu Dharr then returned to the Ka'bah and called out at the top of his voice, "I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship but Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah (s.a.w)."

The people of Makkah fell upon him like hungry hounds and beat
him very brutally. When Al-Abbas, the Prophet's uncle (s.a.w) saw Abu Dharr being punished, he rushed to his rescue and said to ward off the mob, "Woe to you! Don't you know that he belongs to the tribe of Ghifaar, and that that your business road to Syria passes through his city!" The next day Abu Dharr did the same thing and was beaten badly by the Makkan crowds. It was only Al-Abbas who was able to save him.

Abu Dharr (r.a) eventually went back home, within a short time, with his courage and outspokenness, he converted all the other members of his Ghifaar tribe to Islam. Later, he joined the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) in Medina after migration after the Battle of the Trench. He died in Rabadhah, near Madinah in 32 A.H.










Questions

A. Fill in the Blanks:
1. Before Islam, Abu Dharr achieved his fame through ______________. 
2. From his early youth, Abu Dharr was __________________________. 
3. Abu Dharr went to Makkah to find ____________________________. 
4. The first center of learning for early Muslims in Makkah was ________. 

B. Answer the following questions:
1. How did the members of the Ghifaar tribe earn their living?
2. Why was Abu Dharr impressed by the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w)?
3. What caused Abu Dharr (r.a) to become a Muslim? 
4. Give two examples of Abu Dharr's courage and determination (r.a). 

Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (r.a)

The following post is a homework assignment for Grade 7:

Khadijah bint Khuwaylid (r.a) was the daughter of Khuwaylid ibn Asad ibn Abdul Uzzaa ibn Qusaayy. Khadijah (r.a) was from the Quraysh. The lineage of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) meets with her in the celebrated Qusay. Qusay was the great founder of Makkah and was the famous patriarch of the Quraysh.

When Khadijah (r.a) heard of the Prophet's wonderful moral conduct (s.a.w), she requested him to head her trading caravans. When he went on a business trip to Syria along with her trusted slave Maisarah, this trip proved extremely profitable. During the journey, Maisarah noticed wonderful qualities in the Prophet (s.a.w) such as honesty, adherence to noble principles, agreeable dealings and business skills. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) succeeded very well in his business mission. The profits were unusually high.

Khadijah (r.a) was very wealth and had a strong independent will. She had repeatedly declined

marriage proposals made by some of the most prominent men of the Quraysh. However, when the Prophet (s.a.w) returned back home and Maisarah reported all that he had seen during the trip, Khadijah (r.a) was deeply impressed by the Prophet's fantastic character (s.a.w). She expressed her wish to marry him through her friend Nafeesah, and he agreed. His marriage to Khadijah (r.a) took place about 15 years before he received his first revelation from Allah. The Prophet (s.a.w) was 25 and Khadijah (r.a) was 40 years old. She understood the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) and remained deeply devoted to him and morally supported him throughout his life.

When the Prophet (s.a.w) married her, he was in the prime of his youth. The marriage proved to be one of affection and happiness. Khadijah (r.a) bore the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) all his children except Ibrahim, whose mother was Maariyah (r.a). His sons from Khadijah were - Al Qaasim, Abdullah, Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthoom and Fatimah (r.a). All the sons died very young in their infancy. This hurt Khadijah (r.a) but she was always patient and content with Allah's decision for her.

During his (s.a.w) solitary retreat in the cave of Hira during the month of Ramadan, the Prophet (s.a.w) used to be quiet and away from home. The appearance of Jibreel (a.s) at Hira and the subsequent revelation of the Qur'an took place at the time when Prophet (s.a.w) was 40 years old. He returned home with his heart trembling. He told Khadijah (r.a), "wrap me!" and "cover me!" as he was scared for his life. He (s.a.w) told her the unusual sighting of an angel at the cave and she rose to comfort him. She said, "Allah will never humiliate you. You fulfill the duties of kinship; you support the weak, you help the poor and the needy; you honour your guests and endure hardships in the path of truthfulness." Her words restored the Prophet's confidence (s.a.w) and strengthened his resolve. Khadijah (r.a) was always a pillar of support in the life of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w).

She then took him to her cousin Waraqah ibn Nawfal, who was a Christian and had the knowledge
of the previous Divine Books of Allah. Waraqah told the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) that he saw Jibreel (a.s), the angel of revelation, who contacted Musa (a.s) and Esa (a.s) before him. Waraqah also told the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) that his people would drive him out of the city because every prophet who came with the message of Islam was treated with hostility from his people.

Khadijah (r.a) was the first woman to accept Islam. She never gave up the side of her husband (s.a.w). The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said about her, "The best women of her time was Maryam, and the best woman of her time is Khadijah" - Bukhari. The Prophet (s.a.w) loved her very much. On one occasion, when she was still alive, Jibreel (r.a) came to the the Prophet (s.a.w) and said, "Give Khadijah greetings of peace from Allah and from me, and give her the good news of a palace of jewels in Paradise, where there will be neither nose nor any tiredness."
The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) often mentioned Khadijah's outstanding merits. He (s.a.w), used to say, "She belied in me when no one else did; she accepted Islam when people rejected me; and she helped and comforted me when there was no one else to lend me a helping hand."

Khadijah (r.a) died about 3 years before immigration to Medina. This incident affected the Prophet (s.a.w) so much that his companions always referred to that year as the year of sorrow.

Questions:

A: Name the Following: 
1. Khadijah (r.a)'s full name __________
2. Khadijah's cousin ______________
3. Her tribe ________________
4. The founder of Makkah ___________
5. The children of Prophet (s.a.w) with Khaijdah (r.a) _______________

B: Fill in the Blanks: 
1. At the time of marriage, Khadijah was  ___ years old and Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) was __.
2. The first revelation came in the cave of ________.
3.  ________ is the angel of revelation. 
4. Two Prophets who received revelation and Divine Books from Allah before the Prophet (s.a.w) are ____________ and _____________. 
5. Two of the best women of their time are ______________ and _____________. 

Book Review - 1000 Sunnah per day and night

I have been meaning to read this book for a very long time but never actually came around to it. The detail with which the book describes the Prophet's Salah - (s.a.w), is as though his entire life was about Salah. He prayed so much, for so long and so beautifully as if that is all he did his entire life.

When we think of religion, what comes to our mind are a set of rules, regulations and obligations. I have to wake up and do my morning adhkaar, pray Fajr, recite the Quran. In total, offer 12 rakaat. Make wudu 5 times. Eventually, the routine becomes tedious and loses its novelty. But the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) didnt have a routine - he (s.a.w) had an intimate relationship with Allah. How can we make our standing and bowing more like his (s.a.w) - more meaningful. The first thing on his mind (s.a.w), when he woke up was Allah. When he (s.a.w) entered the bathroom, he thought of Allah. He (s.a.w) brushed his teeth for the pleasure of Allah. The way he wore his clothes, his shoes - the way he walked out of the house - all connected back to Allah. His entire life (s.a.w) was centered around Allah. How did Allah become His greatest aspiration. Allah was the Light of his life (s.a.w), the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) behaved as though he could see Him, Allah was with him and in front of Him every moment of his life. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) didnt treat Allah, as many of us do, as some some invisible God - out of sight, out of mind. Allah was his overwhelming joy and permanent essence of deeds.

This book has really made me yearn to develop such respect for Allah that I am never distant from Him. I dont want my day to day life to become merely a collection of physical movements - meaningless rituals, like a rodent running without volition on a hamster wheel. I want my work, my habits, my personality and my thoughts to be an expression of my need and dependence upon Allah. I want my entire life to appertain to the  adoration, warmth, ardor, awe and repentance to Allah alone. This state cannot be achieved except with first perfecting my Salat.

Jamal al Din Zarabozo writes in He Came to Teach You Your Religion:

The importance of prayers lies in the fact that no matter what actions one performs in his life, the most important aspect is ones relationship to Allah, that is ones faith (imaan), God-consciousness (taqwa), sincerity (ikhlaas) and worship of Allah (ibaadah).This relationship with Allah is both demonstrated and put into practice, as well as improved and increased by the prayer (41). 

Similarly, Abdul Hasan Nadwi explained in The Four Pillars of Islam:

Its aim is to generate within the subliminal self of man such spiritual power, light of faith and awareness of God as can enable him to strive successfully against all kinds of evils and temptations and remain steadfast at times of trial and adversity and protect himself against weakness of the flesh and the mischief of immoderate appetites (24). 

I spoke to my husband recently about this book and asked him how a person can achieve a state where she is able to think of ibaadah as something other than a daily chore. Alhamdulillah it sparked an interesting conversation. He told me about ABCs Prime Time TV show, What would you do with John Quinones. The psychological effect of this show on the American public is that people are actually more conscious of videotapes and hidden cameras recording their moral conflicts and illegal activities. The show started of as a social experiment; the knowledge of someone watching them has changed the way people react; it has made them more responsible. To a much greater extent, the knowledge of Allah Watching us should inspire faithfulness to Him, honesty and good communication with Him. If we could envision seeing Allah, our Salah will overflow with gratitude, hope, supplication and repentance. Just as seeing someone we love naturally fills us with gentleness and love, the knowledge of Allah Watching should make us soft and humble, continually subservient to and obsessive about the Divine.

Sometimes in the morning when I wake up in bed, I am overcome by  the thought of being alive. I could have opened my eyes in my grave - alone, deserted, enveloped in dirt and darkness. The scene I envision of myself inside the grave is so scary and ghostly that I cannot help but say alhamdulillah lilélahil ladhee ahyaana ba-da maa amaatana wa ilayhin nashoor. 

Too often we cannot remember Allah because our minds are with useless fantasies and dreams about trivial things. I will have an unpleasant conversation with someone and to make matters worse, I will replay the dialogues in my head over and over again. I will be cooking but my mind will be completely zoned out and buried in ideas about an upcoming assignment, an overdue book, how long it has been since I vacuumed. Or I will be writing something and then my eyes will aimlessly shift to the window at the parking lot outside, paved with asphalt. The multiple lanes with rows of parking spaces marked with lines, similar to center lines on the streets. There are no no stop signs or crosswalks for pedestrians in this parking lot, just large garbage bins and tall overhead lights for night. It is a Sunday so the only movement in the parking lot is that of three Canadian flags fluttering on large poles by the ticket office. See! Our heads are swamped by useless images and information. We need to deliberately and diligently force ourselves to feel the presence of Allah. We need to accept that more than we can see or hear anything, Allah can and He is Watching us. This reminds me of the hadith of the best way to come closer to Allah is by performing extra voluntary good deeds. The more longer, frequent and beautiful our Salah, the deeper, constant and meaningful will be our connection with Allah, inshaAllah.

اللهم اقسم لنا من خشيتك ما تحول به بيننا وبين معاصيك، ومن طاعتك ما تُبلِّغنا به جنَّتك، ومن اليقين ما تهوِّن به علينا مصائب الدنيا، اللهم متِّعنا بأسماعنا، وأبصارنا، وقوَّاتنا ما أحييتنا، واجعلهم الوارث منا، واجعل ثأرنا على من ظلمنا، وانصرنا على من عادانا، ولا تجعل مصيبتنا في ديننا، ولا تجعل الدنيا أكبر همِّنا، ولا مبلغ علمنا، ولا تسلِّط علينا من لا يرحمنا”

Reflection: Masjid Adminstrations

In all honesty, I don't think there is a single person in all of Canada who would sincerely vouch for loving the administration of their Masjid. This article is not a scathing generalization of Masjid administrations at large, without any consideration for exceptions and without any hope for change. This article is about admitting the sad reality that many Masajid admins are emotionally manipulative, psychologically deceptive and in some cases, spiritually (or religiously) abusive. Again, this may not happen in every Masjid or it may not play out to the same extremes. Many Muslims working under Masjid administrations often cannot comprehend the oppression in which they exist or the abuses they have deadened themselves to tolerate.

Masajid are not about tolerating manipulations, abusive administrations, sideshow behaviours or restrictive legalism - it is about expressing our love for Allah, receiving spiritual nourishment and above all, feeling safe and feeling a sense of belonging. How can anyone do ibaadah or feel loved when they are constantly in fear of being yelled at by the administrators for everything under the sun, throw out and losing their voluntary position. Many people will say that Masjid administrators are humans and as humans, they are allowed to fall a little short of virtue. Yes, to fall a little short is okay but to be the furthest away from any kind of religious propriety is not!
Masajid administrators have no management education yet they hoard pandemic religious power and authority over the Masjid. They rule like virtual dictators, having boards filled with yes-men to satisfy tax authorities. In reality, they answer to no one - to no committee, not to the congregation at all, not even to the Imaam. They are self-employed and self-credentialed. They literally believe that their words uttered in announcements and meetings are equivalent to the Words of Allah and should be accepted with the same devoution as the Quran.

It can be countered that the administration rules are consistent with what benefits the organization and functionality of the Masjid. If this is true, then why are almost all administrators devoid of any professional training. It may be a surprise to learn that Masjid administrations are usually run by a single family. Though they may use reams of papers to justify who they hire and fire, it is obvious that they are in the business for making money. By dishing out administrative position to their own family, they will enjoy absolute access to all Masjid finances and management. Their sons and daughters come to the Masjid once a month, only to collect their $500 to $900 cheques while other members are pressurized to volunteer for the Masjid all week, from 9 am to 5 pm without a dime (fi sabilAllah). They have parties and weddings at the Masjids expense. They do not consult the donors for any of their major purchases. They enjoy a blank check to control all classes and programs in the Masjid.
Any member volunteer who has reformation ideas is quickly disposed. The mildest form of dissent and inquiry is silenced. In these Masajid, the administration will stop you from giving adhaan and reject your resume for teaching only because you are not from their family. Your ijazah, degree and natural talents from Allah, will never be accepted by them because it threatens their sole control over the Masjid. And they will do anything to protect their authority and wallets. This not only leads to corruption, but also evasion of emaan.

This unchecked power can and does corrupt many administrators who feel the Masjid can be used as a platform for personal gain, the congregation is abused and controlled by tactics intended to create obedience and loyalty, ayaat from Quran and ahadith are contorted to bend the administrators personal opinions - and those that question or stand up to such abuses face public humiliation and ostracism. So, a system that was intended to revive Islam in Canada has devolved into a corrupt system that manipulates people for wealth, leaving emotional and psychological scars on individuals and families for the rest of their lives. They may love Allah but they will never return to the Masajid where they experienced so much stress, strain and abuses by the administration.

I am saying all this because as a Muslim who has been part of Masajid all her life, I am really hurt. I gave so much to these Masajid and in return got nothing back. As a teacher, I do not want to lose a generation of Muslim children who do not have a place to grow up and learn Islam. I want Masajid to have administrative accountability and financial accountability. To hire Islamic teachers for their credential and not their bloodline. To allow the congregation to represent its needs and have them satisfied. I am not asking for a whole lot. I am only asking for what is fair. There are so many ways to make money, you dont have to use the Masjid.

Bookreview - Burned Alive

"I hate tyranny and oppression wherever practiced, more especially if practiced by my own Government, for then I am in a measure responsible" - M.P. Alfred Webb

 Before I say anything, I just want to clarify that gender relations in Islam does not perpetuate female bondage and suffering. This is not another article creating hatred and paranoia against Muslim men. Personally I do not give credence to any rhetoric that evenly remotely suggests that the Qur'an says that it is a part of faith to let someone abuse you. Islam does not condone submission to any abusive authority, whether male or female. However, I find it telling that the issue of obedience always arises in specific sects from back home, subtly reminding women of their duty to their husbands.

According to Burned Alive, every year, more than 6,000 women, who fail to obey their male counterparts, are murdered in the rural villages of West Bank, Jordan, Turkey, Iran, Iraq, Yemen, India and Pakistan. In Jordan, a man who has killed his wife/daughter/sister in a state of rage is entitled to the judge's clemency; the same law applies to a man in Palestine, who kills his wife simply because he suspects her of adultery. It is increasingly common in Pakistan and Afghanistan to mutilate or burn alive, girls who have "disgraced" their families.

I have often wondered why Muslims activities have never unpacked the complex reality of violence against women back home. Why is the only issue pressed and loudly proclaimed in our countries is that of human rights violations by Israel or conspiracies by United States. Is it because a crime is only when men die or when missiles are fired? Controlling, isolating and threatening women is in fact, a deep wound that routinely damns our countries. We decry the political situation in the Middle East yet ignore the domestic degradation of women. It is inconceivable for me how we find political violence more harrowing than domestic violence.

Our hearts pound against our rib cages and our neck hair feels like pins every time a headline rips through CNN or BBC about a political "crisis" in the region. Tragically, our blood doesn't thunder and bellow in the same way when Souad points out in this book that,  'a girl is called a charmuta, a prostitute if a man catches her eye or when she is married at the age of 14 or when her brothers go to school but she does not. When being born a girl is a curse, when a wife must first produce a son - at least one - and if she gives birth only to girls, she is mocked, even beaten. A day without beating is unusual. She is pulled by the hair, dragged, hands tied behind her back, legs bound and scarf over her mouth to muffle the sound of her screams. At most, only two or three girls are needed to help with the housework, to work on the land and tend the animals. The rest are suffocated to death in carpets and large blankets after birth.' When gasoline is poured over her body. When her nose and ears are carved out of her face. How can men who do such carnage in their homes complain that Israelis are annexing their land or the Americans are policing the world? Our conscious should roar against this hypocrisy.

The effluvium of terror is all around us. We only choose to see check points, sometimes disputed territories and streets as battlefields when our attention should really be in living rooms baptized in blood,  where mordant perfume of women's tears emanates. The hell-hounds who burnish women s  bodies black and blue and rapture their spirits, think they are performing some sort of religious service in resisting the Israeli/American occupations. If I didn't know any better, I would say they deserve every single punishment, war and sanction from the international arena for what they do to their women. How can these monsters hope for any mercy from Allah when they are themselves murderers? The previous nations were destroyed because they were unjust. Ibn Taymiyyah rahimaAllah deduced that a kaffir state will thrive and succeed if it is just, but Allah will never give victory to an unjust nation-state, even if its rulers/inhabitants claim to be Muslims. This is because Allah has forbidden injustice.

All Islamic texts are self-explanatory: the curse of Allah is on the dhalimoon. Allah hates the dhalimoon! The angels curse the person who points a weapon at a Muslim until he puts the weapon down. These men are not even Muslim if they are harming other believers with their words and hands. And if they think their odious behaviour with women is not dhulm then explain why the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) forbade a person from eating two days together at a time without taking permission from his companion? When eating an extra date is an heinous act of dhulm then clubbing a little girl with a shoe - belt or crowbar is certainly not piety!
Umar (r.a) used to weep in Medina, thinking that Allah will hold him to account if a baby goat died by the Euphrates river. Today, all over the Middle East women are slaughtered worst than cattle and there is no public expression of protest or indignation. Even if women are freed from Israeli occupation, who will free them from their husbands and fathers who stifle them at home.

One can argue that there are human rights organizations fighting for the protection of women in our countries. Yes, but these organizations are secular. Because Masjid Imaams and Scholars do not offer any solution, Muslim women have no choice but to turn to these groups. These groups offer them everything from money, surgery to immigration - in exchange for leaving Islam. Resistance among women to wear the hijab is not a coincidence. It is the result of years of abuse they have suffered by men who represent Islam. I ask all men, from Palestine to Pakistan: what is the point of your tahajjud, siyam, hifdh, sadaaqat and hajj if you inflict your own daughters and wives with rape, molestation, beatings and threat of divorce or homelessness everyday. The true measure of your masculinity is not how long your beard is or even how badly you want to go for jihad against the Israelis and Americans but how benevolently you treat your women. If we want Allah to change our political conditions, we should change our conditions at home with our women.

It is also possible that the political environment in these countries have made men violent and so they take out their frustrations at home. It is not easy being humiliated everyday at checkpoints or being fired from work because of your sect, the colour of your skin or nationality. Men can only take so much despotism. Still, I insist that the liberation of Palestine or any other Muslim country from non-Muslim invaders is not worth the persecution of women by their own families. We should not be deceived into believing that liberation of Palestine lies in the achievement of political power and strategic domination over the Middle East. No liberation is possible without the liberation of women. We cannot talk about freedom without talking about the freedom for all people, including Muslim women from family systems that perpetuate violence against them, marginalizes them and oppresses them.

Vive le Palestine, Vive le Femmes!

Adult: Beti, shadi ke baad apne sare khawab pure kar lena
Me: Yes, sare masiyoon wale khawab

Why are the nights so lonely?
To remind me that I will sleep alone in my grave.