Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

I get PTSD reading the news. I can’t deny it anymore.  I won't hide it anymore. A building just exploded in my neighbourhood, damaging 25 houses due to a potential gas leak (?) Istanbul airport is under attack. White supremacists stabbed innocent bystanders at a Californian rally. West Virginia is devastated by floods. Willdfires burnt 589,995 hectares of Fort McMurray in Edmonton. A gay man shot 50 people in a gay club after contracting HIV. The more I read the news, the more I am plagued with angst, horror, disgust, frustration and helplessness. 

How can so many people do such irrational things despite being more than intelligent? How can clever and educated people be so dangerously, and foolishly misguided?

I am ‘knowledge is power’ kinda girl. But i would be lying if I said I don’t believe 'ignorance is bliss.’ The quest for awareness ... being well-informed an up-to-date is a fool’s errand when it makes you miserable in the end.

Yes, the death tolls make me miserable. The fashion ads, the cooking videos, the DIY tips .. the more I read and the more I know, the less competent and fulfilled I feel.  Knowing what is happening around the world, or what other people are doing, does not equate to a better life or greater personal happiness, at least not in my case. It just makes me more anxious and more nervous. I feel a sense of burden. 

For greater life satisfaction, relationship quality and crucially reduced stress and rumination, I am taking khula from all news websites so I can focus on Allah's blessings in this world.  (Fortunately, the divorce is not set in stone. I am sure I will gravitate towards the headlines every now and then. So long as I don't lose sight of the blessings. Maybe we need a new type of journalism - one that reports charitable events and heroic actions. )

This Ummah, when it stands before Allah (in prayer), it starts with “Allhamdulillah.” This is indicative of the fact that a Muslim should always looks at the bright side – the favours, the blessings, the opportunities she has. This is because one cannot truly praise and thank Allah when the only thing on her mind are negatives.

            Some of our greatest heroes in Islam, Musa (a.s), Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w), Imam Ahmed ibn Hambal, Imam Ibn Tamiyyah, Salah alDeen - all lived in the darkest times of human history. They were in the minority when the forces of evil aggressively and violently rose to expunge their good works. We are living in times when darkness is also great, this means Allah has honoured us to relive some of the challenges endured by the heroes of Islam and reap the same rewards. 

Allah promises in the Qur'an, “you don’t become weak of heart, you don’t become sad. You are going to be in the highest position if you truly believe.” This is Allah giving us hope. This Ummah is not allowed to depressed, we are not allowed to become defeatist. So long as we focus on our faith and faith based actions, it'll be okay in the end inshAllah. Out of every tragedy and every loss, inshAllah something good will be retrieved - this is Allah's promise. 

Time Management Hacks

We scramble to live our lives against an unforgiving parade of seconds, this is what I initially thought what race against time means. Each tick of the clock leads us inevitably... invariably...closer to our life’s finish line. Time does not ask for permission. It marches on. It does not ask if we did all that we could. It just arrives and it vanishes.

            This article will argue that we can stand up against time. We must dare to face time, though it may test our will, we have the potential to turn back the clock and appreciate each moment that is given to me. First, I will demonstrate the need to change our relationship with time. This will require a complete paradigm shift. Followed by a strategy to multiply time.

We are only gifted so many minutes in a day, and I chose not to waste any of these minutes.  When others dread running out of time and complain about about lack of time, I smile back at it. Challenge accepted I say. My race against time motivates me to do everything and yes, sometimes even nothing. Brevity of time coaxes me to have high expectations and also to relax, have fun and day-dream. 

First, I propose that in order to really value time, we must change our relationship with time. We need to stop competing against it and accept that time is something that cannot be controlled or even managed. I argue that there is no such thing as time-management.

Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) relates to us that Allah says: “The children of Adam offends Me when they curses time, for I am Time. In My hand is the affair. I alternate the night and the day.” [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (4826) and Sahîh Muslim (2246)]

This hadith means that Allah has created time and the physical manifestation of time is the 24-hour clock.  Allah has given us 12 hours during the day and 12 hours during the night. So whatever happens between these 24 hours, we must accept it as qadr Allah, decision and planning of Allah.

For this reason, al-Shâfi`î said: The Arabs before Islam, when they were stricken with difficulty, or adversity, they used curse time. Similarly, we sometimes say, I hate this day, this was the worst year of my life. We blame seasons, we get upset with temperatures. When in truth, Allah brings about these situations as teachable events.  

Sometimes it is the missed opportunities that help us become resilient. Sometimes the wasted days teach us the value of being responsible and considerate. Pressing deadlines and rushing due dates keep us constantly on our toes, helping us achieve our dreams and plans in a due manner. Time also comes with uncertainty about what the next year, or the next minute, will bring.  We crave novelty and time keeps us on the edge, forever surprised and entertained.

Secondly, in order to improve our relationship with time, we must view it as a trade-off. We must give up some of my chill time or my sleeping time to achieve something big. No sleeping in late on the weekends and Yes to 95 on the test on Monday. No to being a couch potato and Yes to taking a long walk by the beach. Whatever we choose to do in life, it will cost us time. We must be willing to pay for our dreams and goals with our precious time. 

Finally, in order to multiply time and make good use of it, we must eliminate all possible time wasters around in our lives, which do not lead us to anything the next day. Such as watching all possible existing series of a TV show or catching every single pokemon. Only when we have freed up  our time from things which are not urgent nor important, can we have more time to focus on our ambitions. 

Confessions of a Teacher

For the first time in my life, I am teaching a freshman course, English Literature for Grades 9 - 11. The experience is mostly good.  As a student I enjoyed  Dickens, Tennyson, Hawthrone and Shakespeare and anyone else I could get my hands on. I loved reading and I loved writing book reports.

Alhamdulillah, I have a pretty good relationship with my students. I am devoted to their education. I take time out to get to know each one of them personally and cater the lesson plan to their individual learning style. I have done everything from helping them write award-winning poems and essays to cleaning their wounds after an accident and mediating with their parents.

However, no matter how much you care for your students as a teacher, there will always be some who are ungrateful, rude, dismissive, passive-aggressive or even outright hostile.

These students, step on, belittle or otherwise sabotage your career as a teacher. Yes, there are students who want to get your fired because you didn't give up on them.
 The most common method used by these students is to refute every single word out of your mouth by saying, "just to play the devil's advocate..." Like no! You are plain ignorant for arguing in favour of testing welfare recipients with experimental drugs is okay. Or the token nauseatingly self-righteous students who somehow manage to reveal their racism/sexism/classism in every class, burdening you with constantly having to correct their entire existence in the middle of your lesson. The students who bring no pen to class. The bad liars who have been pretending to be moving all semester. That excuse is almost as foolproof as saying, "my dog ate my homework." The students who strut into class 15 minutes late with music blaring through the headphones. Everyone makes way for their royal highnesses, to whom "school hours" do not apply.

I am sure my payroll should be doubled for having to deal with this kind of jerky behaviour. I assume students act like jerks because they think they have something to gain, and maybe they are right. Negative and unkind students may be less likeable but they are assumed to be more intelligent, competent than the students who express the same messages in a gentler way.  The nasty jerky behaviour that some students display to their teachers helps them show off their prowess to their peers. This jerky behaviour comes off as cleverness or rebellion increases their social currency at school. If other students think of you as clever or rebellious student, they will respect you more; you will be invited to be their friend.  As time goes on, this poisonous attitude gets transmitted to the rest of the classroom. Unless the teacher reacts to the students' jerky behaviour with her own nasty cleverness, she has lost their interest and respect. They underestimate your intelligence if you do not give them a nasty response.


Dear students,
Our classroom can be a nice place, a place of opportunity to make your world a richer and yourself stronger. I understand that you are coming from a different country, different culture and different values. But we can all choose to get along, we don't always have to lace our answers with vitriol. It is hard to do, but wherever possible, we should work on creating circles of niceness. We can do this by being attentive to our our own hard work, diligence, intelligence and integrity.

Resilience in face of fear: choosing to wear Hijab

This week, I heard a few friends and students discuss what they think about removing their hijabs. They argue that in the light of recent attacks against hijabi women, there is nothing wrong with uncovering, that security takes precedence. The cite the incident when Ammar bin Yassir (r.a) was subjected to the same torture which killed his mother, he saved his life by stating words of kufar.

I worry that the more we try to analyse the commandments of Allah, searching them out for loopholes and trying to find ways around them, the more we separate ourselves from the spirit of Qur'an and lose our compass, which guides us to the right understanding and right course of action.

Difficult political and/or personal circumstances  don't make the commands of Allah any less binding. Stereotypes and ignorance about the tenants of our religion does not make them any less true. Allah wants us to live a life of purity, and hijab is an expression of purity. Our bodies are a trust from Allah. We honour this trust through modesty. Our bodies are meant to be an instrument of worship. Our hijabs are a recognition of the fact that our bodies are created for worship and holiness.
Our hijabs reflect the beautiful religion of Allah. The hijab proclaims a heart radically humbled by the Words of Allah. When a woman recognizes that Allah owns her and everything in the universe, she could never take off the apparel that Allah has commanded her to wear.
So I feel that if I were to ever remove my hijab, notwithstanding the pain and humiliation, it will take me a step backward from the standard of purity that is pleasing to Allah.

People will always make inferences about a woman's body whether she covers or not. It is disgusting how subversively female identity is today in term of modesty. Everything from chocolate bars to sports magazines produce editions of half naked women parading on front covers solely for the enjoyment and capital interests of big businesses. The underlining message is that the greatest thing women offer to this world, is not their intelligence, not their faith, but simply the size of their chest and the complexion of their skin.

Sisters, please do not remove your hijab. Your hijab is your crown jewel. It is the most godly thing on your body from which shines the beauty of your faith, the testament of your purity and good works. Don't let a few racists cast you in doubt. Have firm confidence, hope and total assurance in Allah that you will be successful and safe with your hijab.

At present you may be temporarily harassed by all kinds of racial attacks. This test to wear hijab, is not happening without Allah's notice or permission.  The things we wish most to be removed from our lives are the very things that Allah uses to shape us and hone out our character. He uses problems and difficulties as an agent of positive change. So the testing of our faith is good for us, it brings spiritual growth and maturity and closeness to Allah through endurance. Allah is always there to help us see through this test so there is no reason to take stress or feel anxious. InshaAllah we will be fine, we will come out refined and much more modest.  We will come out victorious.

I know we may have to restrict our movements for a while. Be extra careful when outside, especially after dark. We may have to go out of way to be appear friendly, but firm. We may be forced to act overly courteous but confident. But let's not lose heart or our hijab. These troubles which are temporary and are winning us a permanent, a glorious and solid reward out of proportion for our endurance, inshaAllah.

My thoughts on attacks against Hijabi women.

The recent attacks on hijabis teaches modest women to be scared and ashamed.

After the tragedy in Paris, bigots are boxing away Muslim women in hijabs and breaking out their resentment. But as women across the country advance with their rights and freedoms, bigots and extremists are ramping up their efforts to scare and shame Muslim women. Are our hijabs so disturbing for the public to be expected to comport themselves with tolerance and respect? It is the season of hate mongering and racial violence - so instead of arresting these criminals, Toronto Police is enforcing arbitrary rules that teach women to be ashamed of their faith and religious clothing.

I am so tired of people who make Muslim women feel violated and ashamed because they are wearing a hijab and covering their body. Take the example of a young woman who was punched and beaten in broad day light near a public school. It's not just the streets that make for problematic interactions for covered Muslim women. Every day on the subways, in the parking lots, and at the malls, people disproportionately target, shame and punish Muslim women in hijabs for their modesty. Is showing hair and cleavage the new price for citizenship? Will I be more Canadian if I wore a risque outfit?

To assuage the supposed racial attacks, Muslim women are removing their hijabs. This assumes that Muslim women should be scared and that their faith doesn't rate consideration. Many women like myself, have been wearing hijabs for decades, since we were 10 and 11 years old. We cannot be expected to undress ourselves because our modesty offends people. Removing hijab would have an immensely painful and scarring affect. Perhaps racists, who truly cannot change their narrow views, should be mandated to stay at home so they are not around hijabi women who provoke them.

Sounds ridiculous right? So is pulling and cutting swaths of fabric off a women's body with hope that it will correct worlds' issues. It will not!

We should, instead, try not to take out our political frustrations on Muslim women - we are, in fact, in no way responsible for the tragedy in Paris, nor do we have the power to change anything. The onus cannot be on hijabi women. Attacking hijabi women does not inhibit terrorists.  Muslim women can walk down anywhere in a swimsuit and there will still be terrorists. Hijabi women are not the problem. Politics is.

The Philosophy of Modesty

I think modesty is a breath of fresh air in this world where it seems no one knows the word even exists. I am not big on politicians and journalists who are in the business of shaming Muslim women for their modesty. Modesty is not anti-women, nor a medieval tradition. Modesty focuses on the heart and one’s intentions, then one’s clothing and physical conduct. Modesty is primarily about one’s motivations. In addition, modest dress and behaviour are also about discernment, having an awareness and integrity of oneself and of others.

Young Muslim men and women concern themselves with modesty because Allah does. The following texts in the Qur’an are primary examples of modesty. Notice how none of the verses seek to hide women or disenfranchise women:

(a)    “O children of Adam, We have bestowed upon you clothing to conceal your private parts and as adornment. But the clothing of righteousness - that is best. That is from the signs of Allah that perhaps they will remember.” (7:26)

(b)   “O children of Adam, take your adornment at every masjid, and eat and drink, but be not excessive. Indeed, He likes not those who commit excess.” (7:31)

(c)    “Tell the believing men to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Indeed, Allah is Acquainted with what they do.” (24:30)

(d)   “And tell the believing women to reduce [some] of their vision and guard their private parts and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their headcovers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers, that you might succeed.” (24:31)

(e)    “O Prophet, tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves their jilbaab- outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known and not be abused. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” (33:59)

1. Modesty is not anti-beautiful

At the outset, we should take note that Allah revealed clothing to enhance the beauty and distinction of humanity from the rest of His creation (7:26). Allah wants all children of Adam (a.s) to wear clothes so that we can appear more pleasing and impressive. The force of His statement is positive: “men and women should adorn themselves with clothes.” These are not the words of an anti-fashion prude. It is a term that expresses: being ornamented, embellished, well-kept, and put in order. The apparel which best beautifies a person’s body is Taqwa, consciousness of Allah and fear of displeasing Him.

2. Modesty is about who you worship

In the context of passage 7:36, Allah is talking about how men and women should prepare themselves for gathering at Masjid. We are commanded to adorn ourselves in a way that is fitting for worship whether we are going to the Masjid or not. If we “profess Taqwa”—that is, if we desire to show Allah honour and reverence—we must dress in a way that helps us remember Allah and reminds the onlookers of Allah.  

The elite Arab culture at the time of Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) was known for their gaudy and extravagant wardrobes and their elaborate hairstyles that flaunted their sexual appeal and wealth. Clothing and makeup standards to this day mimic the same bravado and facade. When a young Muslim goes to the Masjid, and by this extension, when he/she dresses to go anywhere in public, his/her apparel should reflect his/her desire seek Allah’s love and attention alone, not of others. A person’s manner of dress, or even their preoccupation with clothing in itself, is often indicative of a heart that is obsessed with physical appearance, approval from the people around more than Allah.

3. Modesty is about behavior and attitude

When Allah says that men and women should wear clothes that conceals their private areas and adorns them, the term “clothes” encompasses not just respectable dress but also demeanour, and attitude. Ultimately, what should adorn a young Muslim man and a woman is not just clothing his/her thobe or abaya with hijab but “good works.” Allah has created us to see which one of us will do the best of deeds (67:2). Therefore, we should seek to adorn our lives in works that submit to Allah in worship and do good to others, marked with ehsaan. This means modesty is what we wear because Allah is All-Seeing. In addition, it is how we act, how we communicate, and how relate to others, knowing that Allah is Always All-Aware.

4. Modesty shows sensitivity to sin

In these passages Allah says the best clothing is “the consciousness of Allah.” This intuitively translates to clothing which is decent and shamefacedness. It is talking about a demeanour of reverence, showing respect to oneself and a regard for others. It even carries the connotation of “bashful.” Connected to the term “shame,” the word implies the idea of grief over sin (fornication) that is in the world—that young men and women should be so sensitive to sin, knowing that sin is offensive to Allah, that they would never come close to trying to provoke it in others. Allah says, “And come not near to unlawful sex (before marriage/outside of marriage). Verily, it is a Faahishah (a disgusting, loathsome evil transgression and great sin against Allah)” (17 :32)

A young woman is guilty of a man’s lust if she dresses with the intention to allure him (24:31) or speaks to him flirtatiously. Allah commands young women to “….not soften in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease should be moved with desire” (33 :32). At the same time, a young man must also account for the sin of being secluded with a woman or physically touching her in anyway: “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him not be alone with a woman who has no mahram present, for the third one present will be the Shaytaan.” (Ahmad) and “If one of you (men) were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be better for him than his touching a woman who is not permissible for him.” (al-Tabaraani). In these scenarios, both young and women who lack shamefacedness, are guilty of treating sin lightly.

Modesty is practiced through one’s eyes and clothing. Allah has commanded men to turn their glances away from women; not stare, making prolonged eye contact or ogling at women (24:30). At the same time, women are commanded by Allah to lower their gaze in front of men and to cover the shape of their bodies with kheemar (head scarf).

5. Modesty involves discretion

From commercials to novels, a woman is often depicted as having hair dressed in elaborate braids or wavy curls, her eyes with mascara lines, her eyebrows arched over heavy eye shadow paint and her expensive clothes embroidered lavishly with flowers and bracelets and necklaces of gold and pearls hanging all over her.

There is almost nothing that a young woman is not permitted to do in order to beautify herself for her husband (24:31). Nothing is deemed shameful until she publically displays the business of her beautification. The appearance of a woman’s body and ornaments in public is not only a fashion statement, but it also communicates her personality and her values, conjuring up images of female objectification and promiscuity.

A woman’s appearance, fashion, luxury, and sexual prowess are not to be cheapened by pubic display (24:31) rather preserved as a sacred gift for the one man who wins her love in marriage.

6. Modesty is about true freedom, not repression

More often than not, modesty standards are seen as repressive, arbitrary rules that restrict a a woman’s creativity and freedom. But when modesty is motivated from the heart, the exact opposite is true. Allah says women must wear a jibaab (outer garment) over their clothes to control how they are viewed and treated. This might be better understood as “self-mastery,” being in control of one’s impulses and romantic desires while also inhibiting lustful thoughts and advances from others.

Immodesty is often a kind of slavery. A young woman may be enslaved by her desire to attract a man. She might define her worth by her fashion sense, her sex appeal, her body image, or the brand names she wears. This kind of slavery is widespread because sexual sin impacts us all, and in today’s culture, many young women fall prey to this kind of slavery. But as young Muslim women we are free from the slavery of sexual sin because we are empowered by the Word of Allah. Allah wants us to have self-mastery in our wardrobe choices, to be totally free from shallow ways of defining worth, beauty, and attractiveness. Jilbaab ensures women are noticed and appreciated for their intellect, personality, achievements and opinions. Jilbab protects women from becoming instruments of sexual sin and unrighteousness. 

Ironically, it is not just those who are scantily dressed that are enslaved, but even those who look at inappropriately dressed women because they are enslaved to a preoccupation with physical image of others, degrading their own worth by their lustful glances.

Modesty is a respectable manner of adorning one’s body and carrying oneself, born out of a freedom from a worldly definition of beauty and worth, and motivated by a hatred of sin and a desire to draw the love attention from Allah.  When it comes to the subject of modest clothing, the first question we should ask ourselves is: What am I trying to accomplish by what I wear? Who am I pleasing – myself, others or Allah?