BookReview: “The Spread of Islam in the World – A History of Peaceful Preaching.”

Professor Thomas Arnold presents 438 pages of evidence to show the existence of peaceful missionary efforts to spread the faith of Islam during the last five centuries. Sometimes indeed the sword has been drawn by a few misguided souls, in support of the cause of religion, but preaching and persuasion rather than force and violence has been the overwhelmingly dominant and main characteristic of the missionary movement of Islam.

The marvelous success that Islam has achieved in gaining converts outside of Arabia (its birth place), namely in Persia, Central Asia, India, China and Malay Archipelago, has been largely the work of traders and merchants, who won their way into the hearts of the natives, by learning their language, adopting their manners an customs, and began quietly and gradually to spread the knowledge of their religion by first converting the native women they married and the person associated with them in their business relations. Instead of holding themselves apart in proud (or fearful) isolation, they gradually melted into the mass of the population, employing all their superiority of intelligence, skills, culture and civilization for the work of conversion and making such benevolent and beneficial interactions as were needed to recommend Islam to the people they wished to attract. In fact, as buckle said of them, “The Mohametan missionaries are very judicious.”

Reflecting on this point, I had no idea how Businesses can be an incredible a platform for Da’wah that has the potential of changing the lives of the people. There are so many aspects that allow businesses to actually make a lasting impact. When there is a God-fearing, Allah conscious individual in charge of a thriving business, he/she will bring economic transformation and barakah (blessings) to the region. The owner will provide employment, goods and services to locals and thereby hold their respect and trust. This will open doors for deeper relationships to be made and create free space for the exchange of knowledge, culture, ideas, and most importantly, religious understanding to be shared in a comfortable setting.

Even though not all Muslims are business owners, we are surrounded by people everywhere. We pass them on the street, visit them at work or school, and travel among them in buses. No matter their orientation or their worldview, the people around us are our brothers and sisters in humanity. Allah created them with perfection and love, then He placed us in their midst so we can carry the light of Islam to them in our words and actions. When we exercise our faith in the simple things that we do every day, we become a reflect of God’s Truths. With our personal prayers, acts of charity, fairness and kindness, we edify people on the good morals and virtuous ethics Islam.

Arnold points out that prior to the 19th century, all major religions thrived under Muslim governments and monarchs. The religiously diverse populations were protected and enjoyed intense levels of freedoms and respect. The exemplary kind treatment motivated a plethora of conversations among the Christian populations in Western Asia, Spain, and Europe.

I especially blown away by the chapter on the spread of Islam among the Mongols and Tartars. Arnold explained that In the event that Muslims governments were invaded or overthrown and oppressed, such as during the tyrannical rule of the Mongols and the Tartars, the Muslims turned around to convert their conquerors through the strength of their argument and character. The descendants of Gheniz Khan (remember Noyan from Drilis Ertugul series, now multiple that with 100 million in the amount of devastation and death he wrecked over the Muslim world) converted to Islam. Their military and political prowess was invincible. It was not physical force that inspired their conversion but peaceful preaching and the integrity with which Muslims conducted themselves.

Ya Rabb (My Master), reform the governments systems and political leadership of the Muslim world and guide the monarchs and the laymen and women among us, to the path of Islam: peaceful submission to You and peaceful brotherhood towards each other. Save us from the darkness towards the light, save us from all kinds of obscenity; the apparent as well as the hidden, bless our hearing, our sight, our hearts, our spouses and our children. Turn in mercy towards us, indeed You are the One Who greatly accepts repentance, Ya ArRahman (O the Most Merciful). Make us grateful to You for Your blessings (especially the blessing of faith), ones praising You for these (blessing), ones who speak about these (blessing) and perfect these (blessings) upon us. Aameen.

BookReivew: History of God: The 4000-Year Quest of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam

In this book, Karen Armstrong compares the concept of God in Judaism, Christianity and Islam as it appears in the Old Testament, New Testament and Quran. She offers examples of great perversion, debauchery and violence from Jewish Scriptures that make up the image of a God, Who is radical, petty and hopeless. She expresses the inherent confusion and contradictions from Christian Scriptures that make up the mystery and absurdity of Trinity. She notes that representation of Allah in the Qur’an is more Merciful than that of Yahweh in the Old Testament. Furthermore, belief in Allah is explicitly more clear and simple through the Qur’an than belief in the Trinity through the New Testament. 

Quran stresses not just Allah’s encompassing mercy, but also the themes of repentance and forgiveness. The theology of the Quran is fairly straightforward in comparison with the Old and New Testaments. The Old and New Testaments came into being over thousands years of change, editions and deletions. They are wrought with human dialogue, corrupt emotions and inept logic. 

The Quran came into being as 20 years of revelation to the Prophet Muhammad (saws) from the year 610 to the year 632. So, there is much greater consistency in the portrayal of the Nature of Allah. He is more moral than YAHWEH and more exact than Jesus. This provides a kind of appeal, a kind of fascination which is free from complication, conflict and falsification.

The Quran corrects much of the Old and New Testaments. YAWEH is obsessed with a small race of people who disappoint Him and even defeat Him. Allah addresses all human beings in a loving, awe-inspiring, logical oratorical preaching and rhythmic eloquence, which is the Qur’anic recital. The listeners of the Quran are called to change thinking and their lives and move forward in a moral way. 

Jesus is not the son of Allah, and actually there’s a scene in the Qur’an in which Allah and Jesus are speaking and Jesus explicitly repudiates any notion that during his life on earth he ever claimed such as a blasphemous thing. No, he is not the son of God. God had no son, or spouse, and no one is His Partner in His Powers or His Attributes. 

For the most part, this book was shocking, the various beliefs in God around the world are utterly disappointing; historical views about God from ancient Greeks, Romans, to Jews, Christians and post-modern Philosophers are nothing short of disgusting and absolutely offensive. The book became twisted, messed up, disparging with every page. I had to stop reading for my own good. I felt my heart was darkening; I felt horrible. I completely get why people are cynical about God in our age. I would be too if I grew up reading the kind of debased stories and vile logic some philosophers and so called scholars of religion have regarding God.

I am so glad I read this book before Ramadan, so I can re-read, rediscover and fall in love again with the God of the Qur’an.

BookReview: Kingmakers: the Invention of the Modern Middle East

⚔️In the first quarter of the twentieth century, the British Government, the banks, and leading individuals in London made historic decisions that determined the name, shape, kings, political climate and future of the Middle East. 

⚔️In this extremely depressing yet fascinating read, the origin story of the Middle East is narrated through ‘the medium individuals’ (p. 18) responsible for ‘Middle East kingmaking business’ (p. 158). These thirteen men, ten British and three American, and two women (both British) such as Churchill, Lloyd George, Curzon, Cromer, Lawrence, Sykes, Philby Gertrude Bell among others were ‘instrumental in building nations, defining borders, and selecting or helping to select local rulers’ (p. 18). 

⚔️Issues of protecting colonial rule in India, garnering power and prestige over Russia, France and Germany, and territorial expansionism were at the heart of Britain’s Middle Eastern policy. The British made decisions about the region out of greed and imperial arrogance, and often wholly without reference to local interests.

⚔️The term "Middle East" was coined in 1901 by Adm. Alfred Thayer Mahan, the American advocate of naval power. It was popularized in speeches in 1916 by Sir Mark Sykes, a British member of Parliament.

⚔️The initial designer of the Middle East was Britain's War Minister, Lord Kitchener employed Lord and Lady Lugard’s “recipe for Indirect Rule” - a very significant strategy of ‘rent a sheikh, buy an emir’ template for all future [British] adventure[s] in the Middle East.’ (p.32) This was the practice in Egypt, where Kitchener was serving as British Agent, "advising" a khedive. In Sykes's words, "We deprecated the Imperative, preferring the Subjunctive, even the wistful Optative mood."

😭 I cried over 139 years of Middle Eastern history that started with the arrival of Lord Cromer, Sir Evelyn Baring, the scion of the Baring banking family, in Cairo in 1883, as Queen Victoria’s Plenipotentiary and Consul-General in Egypt. 

😭 I cried as the British defeated and divided the Ottoman caliphate in 1918, —its capital, Constantinople, occupied, its sovereign held captive, and much of its territory partitioned. The British didn’t just undo any ordinary sovereign or sultan; they destroyed the united rule and caliphate of Sunni Islam, that dated back to the caliphate of Abu Bakr (r.a) in 632 A.D. During its nearly thirteen centuries, the caliphate had gone through many vicissitudes between the Ummayads, Abbasids and Saljuks, but it remained a potent symbol of Muslim unity, power, identity and religious practice. 

☪️Since the time of the Prophet Muhammad (saw) the Islamic community was one state under one ruler.
☪️Even after that community split up into many states, the ideal of a single Islamic polity persisted.
☪️The states were almost all dynastic, with shifting frontiers. In the immensely rich historiography of the Islamic world in Arabic, Persian, and Turkish, there are histories of dynasties, of cities, and, primarily, of the Islamic state and community, but no histories of Arabia, Persia, or Turkey.
☪️They never referred to their own side as Arab or Turkish; they identified themselves as Muslims.
☪️The Ottoman Empire was the final House of Islam, in which a Muslim government ruled and Muslim law prevailed.

😭 I cried as the British sowed the seeds of discord and discontent among Muslims in the Ottoman Empire, harvesting violent separatists and nationalists who betrayed the caliphate by helping the British dismantle the Ottoman Empire from within. 

😭 I cried as the British broke the Muslims into pieces in Iraq, Transjordan, Kuwait, the small Persian Gulf states, Syria and Lebanon. The British promoted the Sharif Hussein, the Hashemite ruler of Makkah; dressed his sons as kings and installed them in Syria, Jordan and Iraq as rulers to carry out British interests. 

😭 I cried as Kitchener’s successor, the new British Prime Minister, David Lloyd George promoted British invasion and occupation of the Middle East on the premise of liberating oppressed peoples in the rotting Ottoman Empire, and to materialize Zionist dream of restoring Jews to their ancient homeland.

😭 I cried as the British established a "national home" for Jews by stealing Muslim land and evicting Muslims from their ancestral home.

😭 I cried former US deputy-secretary of defence, Paul Wolfowitz, instigated the US invasion of Iraq in 2003. Instead of being punished for war crimes and crimes against humanity, he went on to become the President of the World Bank. 

😭I cried thinking about the ethnic, racist and nationalist antagonism that was planted by the British in the hearts of Muslims still continues to plague us internationally to this day.

Social Darwinism

I can't help but think that racism cannot be eradicated without completely #exposing, #discrediting and #rejecting Social Darwinism.

#Darwin borrowed “survival of the fittest” concept from sociologist #HerbertSpencer and “struggle for existence” from economist #ThomasMalthus to decide that human societies evolve over time, particularly to imply that, #Whites are biologically superior to other races or more "#fit" for power, while #ColouredRaces have failed to evolve with time or are "#unfit" to rule, become self-determined and therefore innately lazy and stupid. Coloured #Immigrants in majority White countries continued to be perceived by Whites as weak and unfit to survive and flourish in their societies. 

Spencer opposed any laws that helped poor workers because he insisted that they are genetically inferior.
Devils like him popularized extinction of the “unfit” races. #FrancisGalton (a half-cousin of Darwin) launched a new “science” aimed at improving the human race by ridding society of its “#undesirables.” Galton proposed to better humankind by propagating the #Britishelite through colonization. 

#Hitler adopted the social Darwinist take on survival of the fittest. He believed the German #masterrace had grown weak due to the influence of non-Aryans in Germany. To Hitler, survival of the German “#Aryan” race depended on its ability to maintain the #purity of its gene pool which he excised by kills millions of people. 

We cannot #CondemnRacism and #RacistAttacks like #ChristChurchShooting without castigating and damning #SocialDarwinism which gave birth to racism. 

Racial and ethnic categories used by racists are constructed and based on the false ideas of Social Darwinism. Superficial criteria of intelligence and aptitude based on physical appearance have been used to create categories of people and classified humans as animals or even sub par. 

Human beings did not originate from Apes. Every human being is equal and capable of the same amount of success as any other person of any colour. We are all creation of Allah and we all descended from Adam (a.s) who lived in Paradise.

PoemReview: "If" by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep you head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
...
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And-which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

This poem is loaded with a historical significance and innuendo which I am going to bypass to focus on why I find this poem so inspiring. The poem contains a multitude of characteristics deemed essential to any person who seeks to persevere during hard times. In particular, a person must be humble, patient, rational, truthful, dependable, and forbearing  Her behaviour in response to deleterious events and cruel people is important; she must continue to have faith in herself when others doubt her, she must understand that her words might be twisted and used for evil, she must be able to deal with the highest and lowest echelons of society, and she must be able to withstand the lies and hatred emanating from others. 

She must possess self-trust and ability to understand the thoughts and feelings of others, even if that means understanding that people will not always like her or agree with her. If she is lied to or lied about, she must not stoop to the level of the liars. If she is hated she must not become hateful. Treat people in a manner that is reflective of her personal moral and spiritual high-ground rather the station where they are in their lives. 
Dreams and ambitions should not loosen her grip on reality. Success and failure are fleeting; the disruption or change that accompanies both disappears quickly. Do not dwell on enemies or disappointments.  All in all, she must be willing to pick herself up and start anew.

The virtues expressed in the poem are devoid of showiness or glamour; it is notable that the poem says nothing of heroic deeds of war, political engagements or great wealth or fame. True measure of a person is her humility, her resilience  and her stoicism. The virtues of fortitude, responsibility and resolution articulated  in the poem are especially valuable even in the complicated, straitened postmodern world. 

Celebrating (Positive) Masculinity

We will not have happy workplaces, contented homes, and fruitful religious congregations until men and women learn to respect one another, their similarities and differences. Certainly, we don’t want to get so hyper-sensitive that we cannot stand each other’s existence without constantly finding faults in one another. I have a dream, that there will be genuine love and respect across the gender lines one day!

The article does not seek to bash men for their masculinity but to encourage men to use the height of their masculine prowess in a manner that pleases Allah and earns His rewards. Also, for those young men looking to get married or married men looking to solve some basic problems in their marriage, you might appreciate a woman's perspective. 

Learning to be a man who loves his wife, requires a certain amount of self-reflection and religious study. A man must learn from the best, the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) who both was the epitome of mercy for all human beings. He (s.a.w) was also profoundly in love and compassionate towards his wives. Mercy and love can be embodied in perfect masculinity. 

1. Love her with your Patience, not with your strength or your intelligence.

Men identify with mental and physical strength as part and parcel of their male persona. Allah made men to have strength as Qawwam (Quran, 4:34). In addition to being physically stronger, a lot of pressure is placed on men to overachieve academically and financially. For these reasons, men can be tempted to value their worth and express their love towards their wives (mothers or sisters), based only in what they can accomplish with their minds and bodies. But strength and worth are not interconnected. A woman may be initially attracted to a man because of his strength and his intelligence but she will love and respect him more, because of his patience and forbearance. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) defined physical strength as becoming a man of stoicism, self-control and mildness. 

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The strong are not the best wrestlers. Verily, the strong are only those who control themselves when they are angry.” Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5763, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2609

Although men may have a psychological propensity to feel anger more deeply and excessively than

women, strength is not an excuse to embroil one’s life with anger or violence. In this hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) is calling upon men to tame their emotions with gentleness and prudence.  Allah gave men strength not so they could exercise brutish force and tyrannical authority over the women in their lives. Rather a man becomes a Qawwam when he realizes that he is given strength by Allah, in order to shoulder his responsibilities towards his family with greater efficacy. 

1.     Yes, as a man you can shout louder in an argument.  Speak softly anyway. Allah gave you strength as a gift and as a test.

2.     Yes, as a man you can be stern and scary when you are upset. Smile and show mercy anyway. Allah gave you this strength as a gift and as a test.

3.     Yes, as a man you are physically stronger and taller.  Be gentle and humble anyway. Allah gave you strength as a gift and as a test.

4.     Yes, as a man you can be more determined and focused when you choose. Be considerate and accommodating anyway. Allah gave you strength as a test.

5.     Yes, as a man no one can stop you or hold you back, but be fair, just and Allah-fearing anyway. Allah gave you strength as a gift and as a test.

When as a man you draw upon your strength as a gift and as a test from Allah, the piousness with which you use this strength becomes a means to draw you closer to Allah and His reward. 

2. Cherish the women in your lives: admire, appreciate, protect and care for them lovingly. 

Our culture teaches men that women are something to be conquered. A man is told that he must achieve optimum strength, intelligence and money so that he can have any woman that he wants. Women - your wives and marriage partners are first and foremost complete human beings with intelligence, hopes, dreams, opinions. They have the ability to love but also the need to be loved. When you as a husband treat your wife as an object for domestic service or pleasure—whether it is in a relationship or through fantasy and pornography—you cripple their own capacity to value and appreciate your wife holistically as a human being who enjoys an independent existence beyond your ego and your needs. Do not turn your wife into a means to an end; she is your equal, your companion and your spouse to share and beautify life’s journey. 

"…And live with them in kindness…" (Quran 4:19)

This is a command from Allah The Almighty, which implies a sense of obligation and duty a man owes to a woman (his wife, mother and sister). Scholars said that living in kindness is an mandatory right of a wife. If her husband denies her kindness, he bears a sin while if he fulfils it, he will deserve reward. 

A companion (r.a) asked the Prophet (s.a.w) what is the right of a wife over her husband?’  He (s.a.w) said, "That you feed her when you eat and clothe her when you clothe yourself and do not strike her.  Do not malign her and do not keep apart from her.” Abu Daud.

The lesson we learn here is exercising basic kindness by:

1. Husband taking the wife out to eat with him (date nights)
2. Husband spending on his wife (take her shopping); his dressing attractively for her as much as he wishes her to dress attractively for him!
3. Husband respecting and honouring his wife's physical body and emotions
4. Husband spending quality time with his wife to make her feel loved and give her a sense of belonging with him

With all the challenges of marriage, kindness is medicinal and therapeutic. Every stage of life comes with its share of issues and stresses. Heaven on earth and Heaven in the Hereafter is attainable when we lighten up and become kind towards our families. 

Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Those who are merciful will be shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One in the heavens will have mercy upon you.” Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1924

3. Stay away from women who place their desires for happiness entirely on material things and physical accomplishments.

There is an enormous difference between hoping that one's husband will lead her to happiness and better things in life and being convinced that her husband will BRING her all material things she fancies in life. Many women have fallen for marriage as a means to achieve financial independence. They are hunting for men who will fund the fairy-tale of their dreams. Women who envision a marriage in which men are financial servants and they are Queens. If their financial demands are not met , they easily resort emotionally abusive and toxic behaviour and blackmail towards their husbands. 

The whole contract of marriage becomes mechanical, transactional and spiritless. Ladies, a husband cannot be acquired without the wife fostering any special love or respect for him. Be a wife who values and appreciates the  support, comfort, confidence and companionship of her husband. 

Brothers, the woman that you can take to the Masjid for Nikkah should be someone who has been there many times before (she frequents the Masjid for worship, knowledge and service). She seeks happiness with Allah, in His remembrance and obedience. She is willing to place her trust in her husband to strengthen her relationship with Allah. 

A faithful man should marry a woman who works hard on her faith , her character and is willing to put equal amount of work in her marriage; someone who will be staunch and loyal in her Deen and is willing to stick with her husband with steady tenacity.  

4. A study of the Seerah will teach you how to be balanced in all your relationships.  

Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) taught men to love their wives and equated their relationship with their wives to be as important as of half of their Deen. In other words, a man's success in the spiritual aspects of his life is connected with the S uccess of his relationship with his wife. The way a man treats his wife, is a measure of his commitment to Allah and level of his religiosity in Islam. If you act like Abu Bakr (r.a) in the Masjid but Abu Jahl with your wife (mother or sister) at home, your sincerity to your faith is questionable and your Akhirah (after life) is in trouble. Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “The best of you are the best to their wives and I am the best to my wives amongst all of you.” (Ibn Majah and authenticated by Al-Albani). Being the best husband, father, son, and brother is synonymous with being the best Muslim. 

Financially the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) was not  well-to-do but he was very generous in lavishing his wives with gratitude and affection; he was a pillar of hope and consolation for them. He (s.a.w) provided them with advise, comfort and  love. Despite being a statesman, commander-in-chief, judge, Imaam and father, he took time out of his busy day to visit his wives, humour them, and help them with house work. When you listen to the Seerah stories—you learn to do the same for the women that you love.

Every Day is Women's Day

“Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so - for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.” Quran 33:35

Allah establishes the inherent dignity of women as the above-quoted verse, and others, make clear. This dignity is independent of external factors, ranging from how a woman looks to whether or not she is married, or whether or not she has children. Allah has honored women as His Creation, just as He has men. Allah also establishes that superiority is based on piety for all human beings (Quran 49:13), and that the deeds of both genders are rewarded equally: “Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while they are a believer - We will surely cause them to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward (in the Hereafter) according to the best of what they used to do” (Quran 16:97). Notice the specific and clear inclusion of the words “male or female” in this verse. 

Consider the struggles internal to the Muslim community, as in the lack of adequate space (or any space) in our Masjids or a solid voice in the Masjid’s decision-making power.

Also consider how our neighbours from other faiths who have a hard time believing the above-quoted verses about Muslim women’s value in Islam, when they see so many statistics of Muslim women relentlessly facing domestic violence, spiritual abuses, deprivation from education and other opportunities to progress.
Also note that when Muslim women do excel in making social, economic, cultural, and political achievements, they must endure a high level of backlash from within their own communities. 

Exalting women with verses of the Quran may be attractive to the outside world but meaningless if we do not celebrate and empower women inside our walls. So, it is good to pause and consider how we might champion women Within our homes and our communities, not out of envy or rivalry or discontentment, but out of the rooted security and devoution we want to adopt towards the Quran, which is the greatest champion of women.

To all my female relatives, friends, colleagues and students, I wish you support, ease, and success in all your righteous endeavours towards this Deen, Dunya and Akhirah - today and always ameen 

Islam can only continue in a community where both men and women are engaged and active in its scholarship, practise and service. This is the Sunnah.

BookReview: Parenthood by Proxy. Don't have them if you cannot raise them, Dr. Laura Schlessinger.

"Feminism isn't anti-sex. It's only anti-family. The founding principle of NOW [National Organization for Women] was that women should abandon homemaking and child rearing and enter the workplace, so as to become economically and politically independent frogmen. Childcare, in the words of one critic of the domestic role is, "boring, tedious and lonely" and the greatest impediment to her career success. Being financially dependent on a husband is 'irksome and humiliating.'"
Do those who worship freedom heedlessly and irrationally stand to benefit from the destruction of the family?" - Domestic Tranquility: A Brief Against Feminism, F. Carolyn Graglia (Wall Street Journal August 7, 1998)"

Growing up, I was taught to believe that a woman's value was based on her education, work achievements, and what she contributed to the world. [This is why there so much guilt/frustration/depression/resentment attached to 'mothering' our kids]. While acting on these beliefs, I have been beating myself up for being a stay-at-home mom. I have been feeling like I am nullifying all my accomplishments. And many days I continue to feel this way because staying at home is parallel to being lazy or being a slob. 
I hear from fellow stay-at-home-moms much too often, how they feel like chattel, slaves to their gender or profoundly stupid for giving up their thriving, respectable professions to be with their children who scream and pee on them all day long. Doesn't sound like a good trade off?!
First, this book [Parenthood by Proxy] is all about women being bravely unapologetic because being a stay-at-home mom is a great choice! Staying-at-home is not oppression. There are no victims here. Staying at home empowers both the mom and the baby as she invests the best of her knowledge, love, intellect, kindness, faith, morals, cuddles and kisses, beliefs and values into her own baby. She is reproducing and moulding her legacy in her baby. 
Secondly, although the book does not talk about faith, Islamically, mothering is primarily a woman's role. Sure, dads help out change diapers, make the bottle, take the baby for a stroll but between the ages of 0-5, babies cling to their mommies for most of their nourishment and nurturing. As Muslim women, we can either deny this biological instinct and religious obligation or constantly fight and debate with ourselves and our spouses about who should stay at home and look after our babies. We outsource "mothering" to other parties for the sake of temporal accomplishments, which can wait a few years. It is sad to be part of a world and time-period where mothering our own children is not considered a great achievement unless it is coupled with an important job or course.

What is Motherhood? 
Can day-care replace home-care? 

Mothering by definition is to be protective, caring and kind towards one's baby.  Children are not possessions or a commodities. They are not little things we decorate our lives with or bring them into the world because "biologically the time is running out" or "we are lonely" or because "our parents want grandchildren to play with" etc. Mothering is about doing *what is good for the baby* above everything else (including what is convenient for the parents). Having a baby means putting the *baby first*, making her a priority when she is in the most crucial developmental stages of her life (0-5 year). 

The benefits of a mother’s time, attention, and bonds with her children cannot be substituted. Developing babies are affected by loss of a constant, loving and involved. How can anyone be proficient at anything, must less mothering, if she is not actually physically there to do it? The book asks, “Would we really be able to say Michelangelo was a great sculptor if he did a little scraping on marble some nights and weekends after shopping, errands, and R&R, but never spent all day, day after day, on the Pieta?”

According to an article in Los Angeles Daily News (April 27,1997), a 1993 study found that the most frequent type of child abuse was neglect (46%)… Yet, in all the frenzy about guilt-free and child-free parenting, the truth about psychological and emotional neglect as the number one form of abuse towards goes unmentioned. Dr. Bruce Perry, chief of psychiatry at Texas Children’s hospital in Houston said, “If you asked me to take a six month old and choose between breaking every bone in its body or emotionally ignoring it for two months, I’d say the baby would be better off if you break every bone in its body.” (Detroit Free Press, March 20, 1999). “Bone tissue is different from brain tissue. Bones can heal. But if an infant misses out on two months of crucial brain stimulation, you will forever have a disorganized brain!”

The article estimates that more than half of the three million children who come to the attention of child protective services each year have been neglected by parents in some way. 

I am not saying that women should be scared back into their homes. I am not against the idea of working, alhamdulilah, I have worked most of my adult life (and a part of me can't wait to go back but this book gives me courage and strength to reconsider and reprioritize mothering over $$). Because we define working women as being self-sufficient, politically and ideologically powerful, we look down upon women who have "give up" the fruits of modernism and feminism for their mothering responsibilities. Because motherhood does not yield money, it is not classified as a twenty-first century calling or an advanced/sophisticated occupation.

I don't understand why we must push women into the paid-labour force and label mothering a patriarchal conspiracy? The disdain women have today for staying at home forever marks their babies with neurological damage or psychological neglect and behavioural issues. Is it any surprise why children are so menacing, at risk or causing social problems? 

"A 1998 University of Michigan study of 2,394 families across the nation found that fever than half of parents said they found time for an adequate number of everyday activities with their children, such as looking at books, working on homework, talking paying games, or preparing food...When parents can't find the time to hug, encourage and develop relationships with their children...the damage can be enormous, affecting everything from brain development to future relations with spouses or children. Basically, when parents have overwhelmed themselves with demanding jobs, divorces, love affairs, serial marriage, chaotic step families or single parenthood, they are often emotionally neglectful of their children. Thinking that structured activities like school, day care, or organized sports make up for one-on-one parent-child family experiences is plain wrong. Children need attention. Human beings are complex creatures, and unlike the behaviours of most lower animals, almost nothing is instinctual. That means that children must be taught to love, trust, bond, and develop relationships. This learning experience comes directly from family life. Without such interactions children become withdrawn, antisocial and insecure, and have difficulty making friends and maintaining relationships. They also tend to do significantly worse at school - from elementary through high school - than children who were physically or sexually abuse." (Detroit Free Press, March 20, 1999).

The cavalier manner in which day-care treat children is not the same intimacy, love, education, faith, morals, attention a mother can provide to develop her children’s sense of attachment, identity, intellect and importance. The book remarks, “Having vulnerable, impressionable, dependent, developing babies in hands of unknown adults reveals an unbelievably alienating world where parents ignore their children’s emotional, psychological, and spiritual needs, but assiduously tend to their own.” I completely agree with this. In my profession as a teacher, I have experienced that some of the most reckless and antisocial students come from the brightest - spiritually and intellectually brilliant mothers. Why have the ideological ambitions of mothers derailed the basic laws of nature? No one can do the job a mother can in raising her children. The children should always be part of the parental decision making equation. 

Is Motherhood for Women only? 
What about Fathers?

Post-modern feminist attitude towards motherhood is that a woman's personal adult satisfaction should be paramount. Feminism wants us to believe that by virtue of her gender, a woman will always be a victim of her circumstances (marriage, less finances in comparison to her husband) and therefore she should not be held accountable to the emotions and action. 

The book simply calls women to view mothering as a work of love and duty for the sake of the what is best for our children. That being said, I am echoing the perspective that the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) said, “Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them” (Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6719, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829). Children’s guardianship is the central the responsibility of the mother. This includes undivided attention to their need for love, nurturing, support, tutoring, coaching, supervision, discipline, values, instruction, family meal and worship rituals. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) made mothers, the nuclear head of their children; mothers are the basic unit of civilization and civilizing her young. 

As guardians of the family, the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) assigned men to be the pillars of strength, support and economic stability in their homes; the wife leans on the husband for all her needs; with love and respect, he puts his wife's needs above his own. He is responsible to sacrifice himself for her wellbeing, keep her safe and provides for her physically and spiritually as she does for his children. This partnership and synergy between husbands and wives is needed to raise children correctly.  

I think it is worthy to consider the flip side of what happens when mothers do not take the primary role in mothering their children. The book cites many experts who say, mothers have been the gutting of family life and playtime in the name of workplace performance and school achievement. Long work hours , followed by long commutes and job related social engagements, has stripped many children of almost any meaningful contact with their moms. 

Pushing women, regardless of inclination or need, into the paid labour force is leading us to value personal, material success over our obligation to our children. It is leading to lower measures of academic achievement among our children, and increased levels of depression, stress, anxiety, aggression, mental illness, substance abuse and juvenile delinquency. The intent behind this data is to showcase that there is something seriously and deeply wrong with our society where more and more women feel that they must work outside the home to find personal fulfillment instead of staying in the home in order to foster stable environments for their children where they can be loved, educated and protected, at least for the first 0-5 years of their lives . Even when “the barometer of this failing is a vicious one: the increasing neglect of children and the related increase in violent crime” (The Heritage Foundation: “Child Abuse Crisis,” June 3, 1997). Anyhow, this is an on-going debate and global issue. It is affecting children’s educational attainment, mental health, relationship formation and stability and labour force success. I think all of us benefit if we rigorously endeavoured to find solutions and resolve this sobering reality for children.

What about a second paycheque and two-income families?

In her book How to Get What You Want in Life with the Money You Already Have, Carole keeffe writes, “over and over again I hear couples say, ‘I wish one of us could be home with our children, but we both have to work, just to get by.’ Most often, this is a myth rather than a fact. Years ago I read that the first $10,000 earned by the second working parent goes to pay child care, transportation, work clothes, higher food bills (expensive packaged meals, convenience foods and earing out more), and higher medical bills due to increased stress. Too often we think we’re bringing in more money, when in fact, we’re creating more bills.” According to the US Census Bureau, Current population survey, 1998, the median income of families in which the wife is not in the paid labour force is $37,161 compared with the median of $63,751 for dual income families. It appears that those most generous with time for their children have more modest financial means. What is there about money and things that distracts people from core values?

In conclusion, the book supports home-care over. day-care for young infants and toddlers. The book supports that women should feel that they have a choice and plethora of benefits in staying at home with their babies and putting their children first. The book also supports children’s emotional, spiritual academic and social wellbeing over a family’s increased finances.