BookReview: Nani Amma

This week I finished a biography I have been meaning to read since last year. “Nani Amma” is a story of Dr. Farhat Hashmi’s mom. The more I read this magical, real-life fairy-tale about this exceptionally righteous woman, the more I cried, the more I wish I knew her personally. She lived her life devouted to her husband, her Rabb and her home as it was her highest calling and greatest joy. 

“Nani Amma” raised twelve children and many more grandchildren; she was the architect of a remarkable generation of adults who continue to have a profound impact on the world. Her roles as Rabbani (godly) wife and mother was the most beautiful expression of her womanhood. 

1. The most important characteristic of a godly mother is her relationship, not with her children, but with her husband. What she communicated to her children through her marital relationship stayed with her children for the rest of their lives. By watching her and her husband, her children learned the most fundamental lessons of life—love, self-sacrifice, integrity, virtue, sympathy, compassion, cooperation, understanding, and forgiveness. Her responses and reactions to her spouse, impressed upon her children’s hearts as a way of life, a way of being that was rooted in Taqwa (Allah consciousness – love, respect and humility) and Ehsaan (unconditional and extraordinary acts of benevolence).

“Nani Amma” and her husband were dedicated to the faithful worship of Allah and they were dedicated to caring for one another and serving their family (including extended relatives and cousins for Allah’s sake). 

2. Her distinctive virtues were her constant faith, humility, kindness and generosity. Her prayers were constant. Despite her external beauty, wealth, or accomplishments, she was an unpretentious, and a modest woman. She studied the Qur’an at a young age which, guided every area of her life as a wife and a mother – her conversations, character, and conduct were rooted in the Qur’an and her children and grandchildren are mashaAllah a reflection of this today. Living with the Qur’an was not an occasional practise in her home but the very foundation upon which her home was raised. 

Because her entire day, till old age, was structured around praying, reading, and reflecting upon the Qur’an, she became a confident, living embodiment of her faith. She often spoke to her children of Allah’s promises and modelled for them an attitude, that conveyed that the fulfillments of all physical, material and emotional needs was possible through Allah alone. Instead of focusing on what she lacked she displayed her trust in Allah’s sufficiency in her life and her gratitude to Him whether He provided her with little or a lot. 

3. She devoted herself to her motherly responsibilities—she was fully committed to her home. She dedicated herself to nursing, loving cherishing, instructing her children and several grandchildren. She understood how vital early formative years are in children’s lives, when 90 percent of their personalities are formed. She prepared them in those foundational years for a lifetime of love and service to Allah—such a high calling. Don't mistake her devotion to raising her children for the modern tendency to make the child the center of the universe. She discharged her responsibility as a steward—one day she had to send them out to the world to teach and serve others. It wasn't about fulfilling her maternal needs through her children. It was about fulfilling her oath to Allah and her husband. It was about being faithful to her calling to be a Rabbani (godly) wife and mother. 

May Allah adorn and embellish her soul with the lavish gifts of Paradise aamen. 

Thank you Ustazah

In Canada, there once was a flock,
That was lost and afraid.
It wandered around,
Without direction for days.

But Allah Az Zawajal looked down,
With compassion from above.
He sent a wonderful Ustazah from Pakistan,
To lead them with love.

Pyaree Ustazah, you were so kind,
Caring and wise,

You guided the whole flock 

to the most inspirational form of Ibaadat,

like a new spiritual sunrise.  

We received Tthandak and we received Rahat,

as you helped us draw closer to Allah, 

of every chapter on the Banquet of Salah 

You taught us the real meaning of

 Dil ki Barish, Ita’at o Farman Bardari,

How to pray with soul and body enthusiastically.
Every weekend, you made Salah more beautiful and appealing,

Alhamdulillah through you,

 Allah gave us new sight in our prayers and a great feeling.

Respected Ustazah, you showed us

The Magnificence of Sana,

The intimate conversation inside al-Fatiha,

The Quintessential glory of facing the Qiblah

and The Shukar and Satisfaction of each Sajdah.

Alhamdulillah, We flourished and we grew,
Through the knowledge and lazzat we gained

from each word of Tashahhad and Durood. 

The flock is so thankful,
To the Mighty Rabb up above,
For sending a wise leader like you,
Who filled us with sweetness, gratitude and love.

Beloved Ustazah, you lead us with
A strong and gentle good hand
And took the whole flock
Safely from Allahu Akbar to Assalam. 

JazakAllau khayran

BarakAllahu feekum 

We love you so much!

Bukhari Reflection: How to practice empathy

حَدَّثَنَا عَلِيٌّ، حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ عُلَيَّةَ، عَنْ حُمَيْدٍ، عَنْ أَنَسٍ، قَالَ كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم عِنْدَ بَعْضِ نِسَائِهِ فَأَرْسَلَتْ إِحْدَى أُمَّهَاتِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ بِصَحْفَةٍ فِيهَا طَعَامٌ، فَضَرَبَتِ الَّتِي النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِي بَيْتِهَا يَدَ الْخَادِمِ فَسَقَطَتِ الصَّحْفَةُ فَانْفَلَقَتْ، فَجَمَعَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فِلَقَ الصَّحْفَةِ، ثُمَّ جَعَلَ يَجْمَعُ فِيهَا الطَّعَامَ الَّذِي كَانَ فِي الصَّحْفَةِ وَيَقُولُ ‏ "‏ غَارَتْ أُمُّكُمْ ‏"‏، ثُمَّ حَبَسَ الْخَادِمَ حَتَّى أُتِيَ بِصَحْفَةٍ مِنْ عِنْدِ الَّتِي هُوَ فِي بَيْتِهَا، فَدَفَعَ الصَّحْفَةَ الصَّحِيحَةَ إِلَى الَّتِي كُسِرَتْ صَحْفَتُهَا، وَأَمْسَكَ الْمَكْسُورَةَ فِي بَيْتِ الَّتِي كَسَرَتْ فِيه.‏

Narrated Anas:

While the Prophet (ﷺ) was in the house of one of his wives, one of the mothers of the believers sent a meal in a dish. The wife at whose house the Prophet (ﷺ) was, struck the hand of the servant, causing the dish to fall and break. The Prophet (ﷺ) gathered the broken pieces of the dish and then started collecting on them the food which had been in the dish and said, "Your mother (my wife) felt jealous." Then he detained the servant till a (sound) dish was brought from the wife at whose house he was. He gave the sound dish to the wife whose dish had been broken and kept the broken one at the house where it had been broken.

Reference	: Sahih al-Bukhari 5225
	: Book 67, Hadith 158
	: Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 152

We judge people based on their appearances, gestures and expressions all the time. The moment we see anything odd, or remotely out of place, we instantly form an unhelpful opinion. This is totally wrong. People are not always what they seem, they are what they perceive. In the hadith discussed today during Bukhari class we learned that when Aisha (r.a) was expressing her jealousy, the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) did not give her a criticizing label. The Prophet (s.a.w) did not berate her for her misconduct. Instead he (s.a.w) remained positive and optimistic about her character. He (s.a.w) reframed her negative behaviour with a hope-based mindset.

Scornful labels are calling someone rude, arrogant, stubborn, odd, defiant or lazy etc. This casts a damaging shadow over them. It means we will always see this individual in a negative light and assume the worst from them. Whereas a hope-based outlook invites us to ascribe value to people, and encourages them to grow.  

All human beings say or do crazy things at times but these handful of bad experiences do not define us. We are not evil as a result of experiencing and simultaneously trying to express, a painful feeling. Sometimes when children are emotionally unwell or out of balance, they will act out in turbulent ways. This is why I like to believe that there is no such thing as ‘bad children’ or ‘bad people,’ just individuals who need emotional healing. 

Meltdowns and fits, outburst and tantrums can very well be struggling emotions, anxious feelings and/or fearful thoughts that can be resolved with empathy. When Aisha (r.a) threw the bowl of food, she was expressing hurt feeling she was unable to cope with. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) offered her unconditional love, understanding and kindness in response. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) made her feel heard, known, understood and connected. This also diffused the conflict immediately. 

Empathy is a human gift. We consciously give up our own mindset to enter the world of another person, to acknowledge their beliefs and emotional experiences, and validate their good intentions and valid points.  We give them the benefit of our attentiveness and understanding. 

This hadith is a great lesson in practicing empathy. When a loved one is using hurtful words or manners, be empathetic towards them. First, be patient with them and forgive them. Second, discover and then calm the underlying feelings that are motivating the hostile interaction.

Bukhari Reflection: Humility of the Body

حَدَّثَنَا عُمَرُ بْنُ حَفْصٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبِي، حَدَّثَنَا الأَعْمَشُ، عَنْ شَقِيقٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ "‏ مَا مِنْ أَحَدٍ أَغْيَرُ مِنَ اللَّهِ، مِنْ أَجْلِ ذَلِكَ حَرَّمَ الْفَوَاحِشَ، وَمَا أَحَدٌ أَحَبَّ إِلَيْهِ الْمَدْحُ مِنَ اللَّهِ ‏"‏‏.‏

Narrated `Abdullah bin Masud:

The Prophet, said, "There is none having a greater sense of Ghira than Allah. And for that He has forbidden the doing of vulgar, obscene, immodest, indecent actions. There is none who likes to be praised more than Allah does."

Reference	: Sahih al-Bukhari 5220
	: Book 67, Hadith 153
	: Vol. 7, Book 62, Hadith 147

It is also interesting that there is no one word to explain gheerah in English. Paradoxically, our culture tells us that women’s sexuality is their greatest asset. Our culture tells us that in order for women to prove their ability, prowess, popularity and strength, they must dress, speak and act provocatively. The Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) tells us these mannerism exploit and destroy not only women’s sanctity and the feminine genius but also family values and peaceful societal structures. We need to practice more sexual respect and discretion, modesty and humility of the body to guarantee familial and societal progress, without which we will be nothing more than a community of animals much less a civilization of humans. 

Sadly, there are people who feel a strange disdain towards the ahadith of the Prophet (s.a.w) because they assume that ahadith are sexist, in sense that they make modesty and gender responsibility a strict obligation. But in truth, everything the Prophet (s.a.w) said for women, saves us from the clutches of agony and pain of sexual transgressions and crimes. I highly encourage everyone to follow Dr. Farhat Hashmi's hadith explanation on Facebook Live. It reminds me of the beautiful verse in Surah Al Anfaal verse, 24. 

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اسْتَجِيبُوا لِلَّهِ وَلِلرَّسُولِ إِذَا دَعَاكُمْ لِمَا يُحْيِيكُمْ ۖ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ يَحُولُ بَيْنَ الْمَرْءِ 
وَقَلْبِهِ وَأَنَّهُ إِلَيْهِ تُحْشَرُونَ

O you who have believed, respond to Allah and to the Messenger when he calls you to that which gives you life.

 



I am so grateful for the precious wisdom imparted by Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w). Learning his methods, in this day and age, is a breath of fresh air. His methods are simple yet so profound and beneficial for all times to come